Chirotechnics

Patience always pays off.

2010-06-15T01:31:00.000-05:00

For those who aren't aware, one of Zelda's sisters is living with us until she can get on her own feet. It's a daunting task, but one that serves our purposes as well. She is required to help with chores and watch the kids when we say so. She is only allowed to stay with us as long as we see she is useful to us.

Since her final exams, Zelda took it a little easy on her about the chores. I warned her against taking it easy on her. Don't give her an inch. She needs to grow up.

Now before she came to live with us, I used to lock ALL locks at night, including all deadbolts. When she started staying with us, things changed a little. Not sure why. She was decent at first, but then she started spending nights away from home.

So, I decided to start going back and locking all the locks at night. One night, I had to put the wet laundry into the dryer. I fell asleep watching TV so I woke up around 4:00 am. As I walked into the pantry where the washer and dryer were, I noticed 2 shadows in my back patio. They were male silhouettes. I quietly ran back upstairs and grabbed my pistol. I woke Zelda and told her to call the police because I saw 2 guys in the patio at the door. I ran back down and saw a male silhouette. I lined up the sights of the pistol on the shadow and took the safety off. As the shadow moved, so did my aim. Who is this asshole out there?

Zelda quietly ran down the stairs and asked me what was going on. I asked her if the kids were okay. She said they were fine. Then, Zelda's phone vibrates and her sister's name shows up on the caller ID. "Are you outside? Zelda asks."

Apparently, one of her friends followed her to the back of our house to see if she can get in. NOT SMART! If you don't belong there at 4:00 in the morning, don't go back there.

I've always wanted to join the Air Force

2010-03-29T22:22:00.002-05:00

Favorite Holiday

2010-02-15T10:09:00.000-06:00

Gwennie: "Daddy, what's your favorite holiday?"

Me: March 14th.

Gwennie and Zelda: "Huh?"

Me: (staring straight at Zelda with a smile on my face)"March 14th"

Gwennie and Zelda: "What holiday is that?"

Me: (laughing) "Nothing... I'm just joking, sweety. I just picked some random day like ONE MONTH after Valentines day as a joke."

Gwennie: "Oh! Okay....it wasn't that funny of a joke."

Me: I know. I don't tell very good jokes. I need more practice.

Zelda: (finally got it) "OOOOHHHHHH!!!!!!!"

Senator Scott Brown

2010-01-21T15:13:00.000-06:00

I've been watching the special election in Massachusetts lately. When word got out that a Republican had the possibility of taking over Ted Kennedy's seat, I was hopeful.

Here's why. I had been noticing that payments to the clinic had recently dropped off significantly. Other healthcare practitioners were noticing the same thing. What was going on that caused the payments to drop so significantly? Then it hit me. Even though it was only a theory, I felt as if the healthcare bill has something to do with it. I don't think those who favored this piece of legislation truly understood what was about to happen.

I theorized that the insurance companies were hoarding their money instead of paying doctors, pharmacies, etc. in case they were going to be driven out of business. It only stands to reason that the companies will take that money and declare bankruptcy. And under the protections of Chapter 11 Bankruptcy, they don't owe anyone money. So if you've been to the doctor's office recently and your insurance hadn't paid for whatever services you received, you would be responsible for the entire bill.

Yeah, you might have had insurance at the time of the service, but YOU are ultimately responsible for the payments if your insurance company won't pay. You could try and sue them for not rendering a service to you that you provided, but if they declared Chapter 11 bankruptcy, what could you do? You're still responsible for the bill.

I've been watching this election closely because I would have had to start sending out demand letters to several of my patients telling them to pay up. Hey, you don't work for free and neither do doctors.

Let's hope this healthcare bill gets thrown out and let's start with real reform....like tort reform for starters.

Sorry for my absence

2010-01-15T18:12:00.000-06:00

It's been a hectic end of the year for 2009.

I've started working out to the P90X workout. I will finish up the 7th week tonight and will have 5 more weeks to go. I've lost about 10 pounds, I can fit into my old 32 waist pants with room to spare, my shirts are a little more snug around the chest and arms, my 6-pack abs are really coming in, and most importantly I have more energy.

I had a patient come into the office the other day with some neck and low back issues. She told me that she had a history of brain trauma due to an automobile accident. I thought to myself that it must've been one hell of an accident to produce brain trauma. During questioning, I found out that she was pregnant with her 5th child. I also found out that the same accident she was involved in killed 3 of her other kids. Her friend fell asleep at the wheel.

If you ever feel tired from driving, please stop and rest. I know I usually like to post funny posts (whenever I do get a chance to post), but this patient's story just about almost made me break down. I know that I've been trained to remain distant from my patients, but I just can't help it sometimes.

Take care, everyone and I'll do my best to try and post more often.

Turn It Up!

2009-10-26T13:43:00.002-05:00

I was driving the family around this weekend when we passed a car with its bass blaring. It reminded me of a story when we used to live in Houston.

Zelda and I were hungry one night and we decided to grab a midnight snack at McDonalds since they were open that late. We pulled up behind a red mustang that belonged to a bunch of teenagers. They started blaring their radio with hard core rap. You could tell it was stock speakers because the speakers were blown. The kids didn't care. They placed their order and were waiting for their food thinking that everyone in the world will think they're cool for blasting crappy music.

I told Zelda to cover her ears and I found a radio station that played something along the lines of zydeco music. I turned the bass down and cranked the volume to full blast. I think they got the hint. They turned their music down and we laughed our asses off.

My Big Fat Viet Funeral

2009-10-04T19:54:00.002-05:00

The women are watching "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" tonight. I actually like that movie despite the lack of explosions, great one-liners, and hippies learning real life lessons.

I like that movie because it reminds me of mine and Zelda's constant opportunity to learn from one another. Zelda has been to a couple of Buddhist funerals. Now for the sake of full disclosure, I don't follow the tradition as well as I should. In fact, I have no fucking idea what to do. I do what is told of me. The monks know this and will motion to me to bow 3 times vs. bow 4 times vs. bow 10 times with 3 incense sticks or 2 or 4 or 6 or whatever.

But, there she was. Zelda did what she was instructed to. She impressed the hell out of my other relatives. One of my uncles said, "Jethro's wife has been studying our culture. Did you see her place her hair behind her ear before bowing? She knows how to show respect. " In actuality, she was just clearing her hair out of her face before showing respect.

When we heard this, we both looked at each other in complete amazement and said, "Of course." We're not going to say squat about it because now we have family credibility. sssshhhhhh!!!!!! It's a secret.

We're back!

2009-09-10T14:04:00.002-05:00

We have had one hell of a past two weeks. First school started for the girls. Then, on the second day of school, we finally closed on our house. The third day of school started the move into our new house. We finished moving out in 5 days. Boxes were everywhere in the new house with no organization. The day after we turned over the keys of the old house, Zelda and the girls flew to New York for her cousin's wedding. I stayed to work the rest of the week at the clinic and to organize the new house as much as I could. Three days later, I flew to New York City. You can read about it at Zelda's site.

But, we are back now. We have a ton of things to do. We met our neighbor while we were moving in. She's a Korean lady who spoke with an accent, "Oh! I'm so glad to see we have a good neighbor! We have been praying to God to please not send teenagers or college students to rent the place. The last neighbors were college students and would party every weekend. They climb over the fence and smoke in my backyard. We had to call police all the time!"

There's a lot of work to be done. It seems as if the previous kids that rented the place before the owners decided to sell it, did much damage to it.

The first major repair we'll do after we sort everything out is to tile the kitchen and bathrooms and put bamboo floors in the living and dining room.

I haven't decided what to do after that, but I should be able to blog more frequently with updates.

2 years ago today

2009-08-12T12:27:00.003-05:00

I know I haven't been around because of the clinic and trying to buy this house. But, I just had to take time out today to at least to send out a memorial for my bro, Charles Kitowski.

It's been 2 years today since you were taken from us. I still remember the day we found out like it was just yesterday.

It hasn't gotten much easier. The old gang still talks about you and all of the good times. Even though we've moved on with our lives, we'll never forget you. Every time we get together, you always come up in our conversations.

Tonight, I'll be toasting to your memory. Missing you still, bro.

I LIVE!

2009-05-30T14:07:00.002-05:00

Yeah, I'm still alive. I'll have to apologize for my absence. Between running the clinic single-handed and trying to buy this house and serving as VP in a business networking group, I'm ready to pull my hair out.

6 out of the last 7 weekends resulted in me driving to Houston for all kinds of business/stuff. The lone weekend where I wasn't driving to Houston, I had in-laws that came up and wanted to see the country side close to where we live. So, yeah....more driving for hours and hours.

This weekend, is my fucking weekend. I plan of doing nothing....and by nothing, I mean nothing until the fucking finance people call me and tell me what other piece of fucking shit that they need to verify.

You'll have to pardon my language, I'm so ready to go crazy. I'm just so ready to get this move over with. I love the new house we're going to move into (if we can ever close of the god damn deal). However, it does need a little work.

I'm sure you all have visited Zelda's site and saw some of the pictures. 2500 square feet of space and almost half an acre of yard work on a hill. It's going to be a challenge.

Just thought I'd update y'all. Enjoy your weekend.

Vegas Day 3 and 4

2009-03-24T14:07:00.002-05:00

So we woke up without walking the strip at night yet again.

We took showers and decided that we should try and make the champagne brunch buffet. As we approached the entrance, we noticed the line was WAY TOO LONG. So instead, we found that the Bellagio has dim sum at one of their restaurants on the weekends. We decided to see how long that line was. There was no wait. We got a table right away.

While eating, we met a very nice couple sitting next to us. I ordered Gai Lon, which is Chinese broccoli. The couple next to us were from San Francisco and said that we were doing the great and healthy route while they were doing mostly fried stuff. They loved dim sum and could eat every meal with chopsticks if possible.

Then, they noticed that the wait staff also brought us hot sake for brunch. Hey, it's Vegas. As we were sitting there, I noticed a familiar face sitting a couple tables down. I realized it was a guy that I had seen on TV on the World Poker Tour. After we finished eating, we went back to our coffee shop. This time, we had the Mexican. Coffee with tequila. We walked around the pool area and sat for a few minutes. I called an old high school friend of mine who lived in Vegas, Sara. Sara and I were both honor student/jocks in high school. I played basketball. She played basketball and soccer. I remember our senior year when she was "confused". She noticed that she was attracted to women instead of men. After high school, I lost track of her until my wedding. She brought her girlfriend to tell a few of our high school friends about her sexuality. I had kept her secret for years. Needless to say, our high school friends were shocked. However, my college friends (the guys) were all staring at 2 hot lesbians with their mouths wide open. To me, Sara is much more like a sister than anything else.

Anyways, Sara picked us up at the front of the hotel and drove us off the strip. We got to meet Sara's new partner, Adele. Adele is the sweetest person. She's very soft spoken and funny. Sara took us to some center with the Ritz Carlton as the hotel. We had coffee and caught up with each other. It had been 10 years since we last talked. But, it seemed like not a day had gone by. In the evening, they asked if we liked seafood. The best seafood buffet in Las Vegas is at the Rio Rio. So off we went where I challenged Adele to see who could eat the most in crab claws. I think it was a draw by the end of the night.

Afterwards, Sara drove us to another part that Christina had mentioned to us, the Fremont Street Experience. It was incredible. There were so many lights! We saw the Golden Nugget and the famous Vegas cowboy. Then, she drove us to New York New York hotel. That's where we caught the last show of our little trip, Zumanity.

After the show, we decided that we should finally walk the strip at night in order to pick up souvenirs. We stopped by a magic shop to get the kids a few magic items. We walked back to the hotel and it was 1:50 in the morning. Unfortunately, because of daylight savings time, 10 minutes later would be 3:00 in the morning. Our flight was 6:30 in the morning. So, we decided to stay up, pack and leave. Because we had 2 stops before we landed back in Houston, we got in about 5:00pm. The first flight out, we had kids behind us kicking our seats. We have't slept at all and now we have fucking parents who can't control their kids while on a plane. We drove out to my parents' house and had dinner with them. Then, I drove back to New Town. It was the longest drive I ever had to make. I was constantly stopping to pick up energy drinks, coffee, etc. I slapped myself silly a few times to make sure to stay awake. Zelda slept the whole ride home. When I pulled into the driveway, I woke Zelda up. She then told me to go straight to sleep and she would get the kids and everything else into the house. Needless to say, I crashed like a boulder.

An anniversary in Vegas: Day 2

2009-03-10T21:21:00.004-05:00

So we slept 12 hours instead of 2. Well, we needed it. So this day would be it. This was the day that Zelda and I were married 10 years ago.

"Happy Anniversary," I said as I kissed her in the morning. We were so going to do this day up right. Zelda hopped into the shower as I called the concierge to see if there was anyway possible to get a reservation for a patio dinner that overlooks the Fountains of the Bellagio. They have a water show every 15 minutes in the evening. I told them it was our 10 year anniversary. They told m that they would see what they could do and would get with me to tell me whether or not they could do it.

After we got ready in the morning, we walked down to the little coffee shop in the Bellagio. We each got special coffee for around $10 each. By special, I mean that they put some high quality XO bourbon in it. Then, we found a few slot machines. Keep in mind that neither Zelda nor I are much gamblers at all. We were told before we left that the machines no longer take actual coins. So, I took out a dollar bill and put it into a slot machine. I told Zelda, "I guess now you pull the lever." We pulled the lever. Nothing happened. "I guess you have to push the buttons that are lit up." We pressed around. Then, the screen started spinning. "What the hell?" We put $2 more into the machine and pressed more buttons. Eventually, the spinning stopped. "I guess that's it." We can now say we've gambled in Vegas....$3.00 worth.

We decided that we should make the most out of the day. We went to Todd English's Olive because they have a patio. We ordered appetizers, lunch, and cocktails at 11:00 in the morning. Why not? We're in Vegas! Afterwards, we decided that we should get tickets for the monorail and pick up our tickets for the show that I bought on our anniversary. We decided that we should really see a showgirl show while we're in Vegas. I read a few reviews and decided on Fantasy at the Luxor. I checked out the prices online and the cheapest tickets were not very different from the best tickets. So, I decided to purchase front row tickets. I have to highly recommend this show for everyone (over 18 of course). It's far more modern. The women are super hot and their dancing was absolutely hypnotic.

We picked up our tickets early and bumped into people advertising a time share that was being built. They told us that they would sell us tickets to any show we wanted to see for $20 if we listened to their selling points for this new time share. Zelda and I talked it over and said that we had heard great things about another show called Zumanity. We've been talking about purchasing a time share for awhile now, because of the deal that her mom had gotten. However, we wanted to see the bottom line: The cost. We agreed to listen to the selling point. After 2 and a half hours, we got the bottom line. Holy Shit! Far more than what we were willing to spend. So, we thanked them and got our tickets. They did manage to get some vital information about time shares though. It's just another way for us to work the time share system to our favor. Once I get the clinic up and running on its own, we will be able to take more vacations. Not now though. So, we got our tickets and left.

We got back to the Bellagio and I realized that the concierge never called me back like they promised. I went to the concierge to ask what happened. If it's one thing I have to credit the Bellagio, they will fix any mistakes they make. They told me that none of the restaurants take reservations for patio seating, but since no one called me back, they will do what they could. Seconds later, the concierge told me, "They have one table at Olives for you and they will hold it for you, sir." Even though we had already eaten there for lunch, I had no problems going back. It was a great atmosphere plus the dinner menu was different. We got there and the table was ready for us. We sat down and a new water show was just starting. The song in the background was "Fly Me To the Moon." This song was sung to both Zelda and I by 2 of our friends, Corin and Tom, on our wedding night.....ah, memories....We got pictures while the fountains played.

I mean, look how close we were:

We started with Foie Gras as the appetizer. I ordered the Kobe beef while Zelda got their scallops. The water show went off every 15 minutes. Oh yeah, we did this up right.

After dinner, we went upstairs and got dressed for the show, Fantasy at the Luxor.

We sat in the front row when the curtains came up. The singer came out first. She walked into the crowd and would occasionally drop the microphone down to a member of the audience. No one would say anything. Then, she circled right back down to the front....in front of Zelda and me. She ended her song and dropped the microphone to me. I figured, what the hell. I screamed into the microphone, "VEGAS, BABY!!!!!! Woooooo!!!!!!" She did it again. I screamed again, "We're going to Vegas, baby!!!!!!" I think I turned 3 shades of red. But, I didn't care. I was having fun. She then asked Zelda if she could borrow me. She pulled me up to the stage where she tried to get me to dance for the crowd. Now, I'm not quite the dancer like Trashman. So, I just laughed and sat back down.

Next, came out Sean Cooper. He's the comedian and impressionist. After he did an impression of James Brown, he said, "Where's my boy that was screaming 'Vegas, baby'?" Just then, a bright spot light shown right on me. "Holy.....Shit....," I muttered. My hands were in my face. This is not happening. No way in hell. "Why don't y'all give him a round of applause to get him up here!" I'm thinking at this point, "Oh shit...oh shit.....oh shit....." Well, I got on stage (thanks peer pressure.) Sean asked me, "Who is the guy known to gyrate his hips and is known as the king of rock and roll?" I answered, "Elvis Presley." Sean asked, "That was easy, huh?" I leaned in and said, "yes." Then he said I was leaning in too far and that this was not a brokeback kind of show. I decided that I really should play along. I put my arm around his shoulder and gave him a kiss of the cheek. The crowd roared. He cracked up and said, "Holy shit. This is like Rush hour 4." He fell to the ground cracking up and I almost doubled over laughing. He then told the beautiful girls to take me back stage. So, I went back. It was dark back there and one of them tied a cape around me, put a wig on me, sunglasses, and handed me a guitar. "It's okay. We're going to dress you up like Elvis. You don't have to do anything. We'll do everything for you, okay?" I answered, "Okay."

Then I hear, "Here's Elvis!" They walked me out on stage. I'm pretty sure I'm 8 shades of red now. Sean complimented me on something. So, I responded with my poor attempt at an Elvis impression, "Thank you very much." Then, the girls did a dance around me as instructed by Sean. I looked at Zelda to see her laughing her ass off.

I eventually sat down and just started laughing. I couldn't believe that had just happened. Out of the entire crowd, they picked me. For the rest of the show, you couldn't tear the smile off my face. Sean did more impressions of course. And each time he did, he ragged on me. It was great! I will never forget this moment.

At the end of the show, I got his autograph. I wish I could've gotten the girls' autographs too. That is the only regret I have of Las Vegas. We went back to the Bellagio and said that THIS TIME we would take only a 2 hour nap and wake up and walk the strip.

We woke up 10 hours later.

An Anniversary in Vegas: Day 1

2009-03-09T10:47:00.008-05:00

Wow, what a weekend. Let me just add that I had the best 4 days of my life this past week. I'll have to do this in several installments to get everything in. Several months ago, I was trying to decide what we should do for our 10 year anniversary. I eventually booked us a hotel in New Orleans. Zelda loves New Orleans. For me, I love the partying and the eating. So, when I told Zelda that I got a hotel booked for New Orleans, she asked me if I was merely doing this for her or for us. She said that I was always wanting to do things for her. And, she wanted to do something that I wanted to do for a change. I told her that I enjoy going to New Orleans. She then suggested something we've never done before. I asked, "Like what?" She answered, "I don't know. Vegas or something." Then I thought, "oooohhhh. I've always wanted to see Las Vegas." So I looked up the internet and found a good deal for hotels and flights. When asked for hotel preference, I typed in "Bellagio". It was the only name of a hotel that I've ever heard of in Vegas. I think a patient told me about it. I also heard the name in movies. Turns out, the Bellagio is a pretty posh place. Still, I got a hell of a deal for it.

So, we left New Town and drove back into Houston to drop off our kids with our friend, Jen. We had it arranged where the kids would get to have a couple sleepover nights. Then, they would be with my family to make things easier for picking them up. We got to Jen's house after midnight. We slept maybe a couple of hours before leaving for the airport at 4:00 in the morning. We flew to Phoenix for an hour layover before flying to Vegas. We got to Vegas around 9:00 in the morning. We picked up our luggage and headed for the shuttle buses. Then we got to the Bellagio. Typically, check in doesn't occur until 3:00. We were starving so we asked the concierge if they wouldn't mind watching our stuff so we could get something to eat. The concierge said that we could just go and check in. If there are rooms available, there is no wait. Sweeeetttt!!!! So, we checked in at 10:00 in the morning. We then called Christina LMT to tell her we had arrived, but that we really needed to grab something to eat. We decided that if we were that hungry, we should do the buffet.

After stuffing ourselves silly, we called Christina back. We had originally told her that we planned on getting a couple of massages. Since we was a massage therapist, we'd throw her a little business. She insisted REPEATEDLY that there was no charge since we were there for our 10 year anniversary. It was a gift from her. She picked us up at the front of the hotel. Then, she drove us up and down the strip. There is nothing quite the sight of the Las Vegas strip. I was just in awe. Christina then took us to the famous "Welcome to Las Vegas" sign where Zelda and I had our picture taken with my iphone.

Afterwards, Christina gave us each massages. I require more deep tissue as opposed to Zelda who likes more the Swedish massage. If any of you ever make it to Vegas, I would HIGHLY recommend you look up Christina and have her give you a massage. It is exactly what we needed. We also got to meet Christina's daughter, Silver. Zelda was absolutely mesmerized because she was a mirror image of Zelda at her age. We chatted up such a storm while we were there. It was as though we had known them our entire lives. When we were done, we invited them to dinner. They took us to a nice little restaurant called the Black Bear. Again, we chatted the whole night away.

When dinner was done, I picked up the tab because it was the least I could do since Christina made my neck and shoulder feel nicely loose again. Oh, and eventhough she told us the massages were a gift, I figured we'd still leave her a tip in a way that she couldn't refuse. We hid it in her microwave and refused to tell her about it until we were out of her car and she couldn't bring us back to her place to give it back. She drove us back up and down the strip again. This time, the sun was down and the lights were up. It was quite a sight.

We were dropped back to the hotel. We only had 1 hour of sleep before arriving in Vegas. So, we said we would take a short 2 hour nap then we would wake up and WALK the strip. Christina did a really good job with the massage because TWELVE hours later, we woke up.

Day 2 to be continued.....

In the meantime, here are a few pictures from inside the Bellagio:

These were numerous multi-colored glass umbrellas hanging from the ceiling in the lobby.

The ceiling down one of the wings of the Bellagio

Zelda inside the Bellagio next to a huge vase drinking a nice "special" cup of coffee. (Bourbon infused coffee)

Zelda has more pictures of the incredible botanical garden inside the Bellagio. I'll let her post those pictures.

The Crying Game

2009-03-02T14:00:00.002-06:00

Y'all remember that movie, The Crying Game? Somehow over the weekend, I remembered this story and I told it to Zelda. She told me that I had to post the story if I get some down time at the clinic. So here goes.

Back in high school, I was discussing movies with a few friends and a professor of mine. Some of these friends had seen The Crying Game and there was all this buzz about the shocking event in it. No one would say what it was. Even my professor told me, "I can't say anything. You just have to see it."

So a buddy of mine, Spencer, decided that we should check out what all the buzz was. We got on our motorcycles and rode to the movie theater. It started just like any typical movie. Then came the part when you find out that the "girl" that the main character was with was a guy. You know, the scene with a full penis shot. Spencer and I looked at each other in horror. Then, we moved to opposite ends of the theater. At the end of the movie, I mouthed the words, "You leave first. I'll leave later." He then shook his head and mouthed back, "No. You leave first. I'll leave after you." So I mouthed back, "Fine. But, we're NOT leaving together. I'll see you at school tomorrow."

It turns out that he wanted to leave afterwards because he didn't want anyone seeing him leave the movie. I didn't even think about that. I just wanted to get out. I got on my bike as fast as I could, put on my helmet, and left.

Next day at school, we told our professor that we saw the movie. He laughed, "Wasn't that unexpected?! Wait, did you see it together?" We answered, "No. Of course not."

Vegas, here we cum!

2009-02-24T20:11:00.002-06:00

I have been racking my brain trying to figure out what the hell to do with our 10 year anniversary. It finally dawned on me that neither Zelda nor I have ever been to Vegas. I'm not much of a gambler, but that doesn't matter. I may try my hands at a few hands of Blackjack or the slot machines. I tried gambling once. It didn't work out very well. Once I lost $150, I got upset and quit.

I'd rather see the shows. I'd rather eat the food. I'd rather walk the strip and watch the people. Mostly, I'd rather spend some time with Zelda (wink, wink).

I have a few reports to write tonight so I have to be short. However, I am looking forward to meeting Christina LMT. I'm also excited to meet an old high school friend of mine who lives out there. I haven't seen her since our wedding night. That's another story. It's funny when you invite an old friend from high school who's a hot lesbian with her equally hot lesbian lover to your wedding. The guys went crazy over them!

I'm closing the clinic during the week just to enjoy this time. If you've read Zelda's site, you know we were talking about other things as well. We'll definitely have to blog about that if anything happens.

Superbowl Post

2009-02-01T15:57:00.002-06:00

This year, I've got the entire family pulling for the Cardinals. Why? #92 is Bertrand Berry.

Bert was a high school classmate of mine. We played on the high school basketball team. He was the nicest guy you could ever meet. Y'all remember this story?

That was Bert. He was the one who stepped forward.

After high school, he played for Notre Dame. Then, he was drafted by the Colts. He eventually made it to Arizona playing for the Cardinals.

I was on my facebook page when I saw that he added me as a friend. Here I am thinking that Bert had made the big time. I was thinking that there's no way he would remember me. I mean, he was in the spotlight. But then, I get this friend request from him and a message saying "Hi, how have you been?" etc., etc. I was shocked.

Thanks for your acts of kindness, Bert. Good luck tonight. We'll be pulling for ya.

how HIGH is your pain level?

2009-01-14T15:21:00.003-06:00

I have a few minutes in between patients to tell y'all about a patient I had.

I had a new patient who came into the clinic with some neck pain that radiated down his arm to his elbow. While doing a few orthopedic tests, I pressed down on his head. A cloud of dust/smoke billowed upwards and I noticed the distinct smell of marijuana. I thought about asking him if he had open-angle or closed-angle glaucoma just to be a smart ass. But I decided to be a professional and stopped. Towards the end of the exam, his stomach growled. I couldn't resist. "Got the munchies?" I asked. He laughed.

Posting Absence

2008-12-15T22:41:00.002-06:00

I have been slammed with work. I have added Quickbooks to track finances at the clinic. I have had to enter ALL TRANSACTIONS since we took over the clinic. I didn't get to bed until 6 am Saturday morning. Then, I have a shit load of reports to write. For car accidents and work place injuries, insurance companies want a detailed explanation of your examination, findings, treatment plan with reasonings, imaging reports, prognosis, etc. etc. etc.

I'll be back to writing again if I can get a little more caught up.

Happy Halloween

2008-11-02T18:44:00.002-06:00

I managed to get out on time on Halloween night. The girls wanted to go trick-or-treating. Gwennie's friend from school came over because she wanted to go in our neighborhood. Zelda asked that I sit by the door and hand out candy to the trick-or-treater's. I was wondering if I should go ahead and get dressed up and try to scare some of the kids. Zelda simply said that I should just put on the contac lenses that white out my eyes, put on my fangs, and get on my long leather trenchcoat.

Why not? I'll have a little bit of fun.

There was a little kid who came up to me and did the whole, "Trick-or-Treat!"

I said, "Happy Halloween!" as I shoved some chocolate into his bag.

He said, "You look like a China Man!"

His mom was so stunned, and she tried to get him to shut up.

I literally fell over backwards in my chair from laughing so hard.

Here I am in half of my Halloween getup. Yet, "China Man" was what he saw.

Sorry, I'm just not overly sensitive. Does anyone else see that as funny? Or, is it just me?

RAID!!!

2008-10-07T18:08:00.008-05:00

My buddy, Corin came back from Iraq a few weeks ago for his midtour leave. While he was here, we took him out for some sushi. Afterwards, we drove to my parents' house where he told my dad stories about some of the battles that he was involved in while in Iraq.

I decided to take him out for some drinks. Zelda stayed home because she was tired. We got in the car and started driving. I asked him where he wanted to go.

Corin: "I have $300 in singles. Where do you think I want to go?"

Me: "Tittie bar it is."

We went to the Houston Penthouse Club. When I go to these places, I just go to hang out with friends, drink a beer or two, and look at the nice "scenery". I don't like to get lap dances or flirt with the strippers. It's just not my thing. Corin, having served several months in Iraq and not being able to see gorgeous American women, had a lot of fun. We sat back, ordered a couple of beers and watched. Corin, takes out $40 in singles and sets it on the table. In no time, a few girls came by. They took him into a corner for a lap dance. Another girl came up to me and asked me if I wanted anything. I told her I was there to drive my buddy home, but thanks for asking. Another girl just came over to me, sat on my lap, and started talking. Again, I told her I was just there as a driver for my friend. She asked if I wanted a lap dance. I told her no thanks but to make sure she does give Corin a lap dance as soon as he was done with the last one.

She asked me, "What? Are you gay?"

I responded, "Do you want me to be gay?"

She lifted up my hand and looked at my wedding ring. I said, "Yes, I'm married." She responded, "You are such a good person." I answered, "Thanks," as I gave her a few dollars from Corin's stash on the table.

Corin eventually disappeared for several hours. Apparently, he took out some more money and got into the VIP champagne room. He had a lot of fun.

A few days later, we found out that the club was raided the following night. Whew! That was a close one.

Sir, will you breathe into this please?

2008-09-01T20:07:00.003-05:00

I have a cousin in Arizona who was pulled over the other day because he swerved a little on the road. He was really tired from working and was looking for place to pull over and rest a little.

The cop who pulled him over asked him if he had anything to drink.

"No. Not a drop," my cousin answered.

The cop didn't believe him and brought out a breathalizer test. He asked him to breathe (exhale) into the machine. (Keep in mind that my cousin looks like he's 18.)

My cousin said, "Sure."

It registered zero.

The cop asked him, "Sir, are you okay?"

My cousin said, "Yeah, I'm just really tired from work. I was looking for a place to pull over and slap myself awake."

The cop asked him, "Do you need me to follow home and make sure you make it back okay?"

My cousin answered, "No. That's okay. You pretty much scared the living shit out of me. I'm wide awake now. Thanks."

The cop chuckled as he let him go.

Sgt. Charles Kitowski III

2008-08-12T02:07:00.001-05:00

It’s been a full year since you were taken from us by a road side bomb in Afghanistan. It seems like yesterday that we heard the news. Monica called up Zelda. Zelda cheerfully answered, “Hey, Monica!” Followed, by a cautious, “No, I’m not driving.” Then, it was the most awful cry from Zelda I ever heard: “NO! NO! NO! NOOOOO!”

We were a tight group. So, it only took me a brief second before I realized what had happened. I mouthed the words to Zelda, “Was Charles killed?” Zelda nodded while crying. Just then, my phone rang. It was Kevin.

Holding back tears, my voice stumbled as I answered, “Hello?”
Kevin instantly knew that I knew.

“I guess you heard?”

“Yeah, does anyone know what happened?”

“They’re saying it was a road side bomb.”

“Oh shit. I should call people and let them know. Keep me informed and I’ll keep you informed of anything new that comes up.”

I scrolled down my entire phone list calling as many people as I could. Most of them didn’t know yet. Everyone I called started breaking down.

“Please call everyone on your phone list so that no one finds out about it on the news.” Those were the last words I said to everyone I called.

Zelda and I were at my parents’ house with my sisters and brother-in-law. They heard everything and kept our kids occupied in the kitchen as Zelda and I were trying to inform as many of our friends as possible. After we completed calling everyone, we stopped. Zelda and I looked at each other, walked towards each other, and squeezed each other as we broke down.

We didn’t sleep that night.

You were taken from us much too early. You were supposed stand with me and the other groomsmen at Kevin’s wedding. We were supposed to go to New Orleans for his bachelor party. We were supposed to all grow old.

The old gang celebrated your 32nd birthday 2 days ago. You were supposed to be there with us. We all cried as we gathered in a circle and sang “Happy Birthday” to you before the night ended.

I told you before, we will never forget you.

Wow. I have really neglected this blog

2008-07-16T00:20:00.000-05:00

I have been so extremely busy at the clinic. Each continuous week is a record setting week. The front desk tells me that her brother (who owned the clinic before me) averaged 120 NEW patients a year. Those were very busy times for them. It's only half way through my first year in a brand new town and I've already hit 90 brand new patients.

Apparently, being a good diagnostician has its advantages. I haven't even had to do any marketing. It's all been word of mouth.

I have reports to write, so this is all I have time to update y'all on.

Updates

2008-05-24T09:32:00.000-05:00

First, let me apologize for not blogging more. Things at the clinic have been picking up so fast that it is difficult to finish everything I need to by the end of the day. We've already quadrupled the number of patients that the previous doctor was seeing on a daily basis. All this mostly based on word of mouth alone.

Zelda and I have started working out. It's been a few years since I last took it this seriously. Right now, we're both very sore. I figured that since my specialization is soft tissue injuries and sports medicine, I figured Zelda and I would be our own best advertisement.

I found something else that another MD missed the other day. A patient came to me the other day comlaining of lots of stiffness. His MD told him that he needed to stretch more and gave him some meds. He came to me thinking that I could make his joints move more. I asked a few more questions, did another thorough exam, and decided that we needed some imaging done. We started with an X-ray. Then I saw it. Ankylosing spondylitis. Don't take back pain and stiffness lightly, folks. Go get it checked out. Ankylosing spondylitis can lead to direct fusion of the vertebrae.

I still read all of your blogs daily. I just don't have time to comment. I'll usually have a minute between patients which means I have to take a break and find out which paragraph of y'alls blog entries I last left on. That's ok. I'm glad we're busy. It simply means that the rent and bills will get paid.

To Spew or not to Spew

2008-05-07T11:25:00.000-05:00

We took the girls to Sea World in San Antonio a couple of weeks ago. One of my patients is a VP there. I helped him out, he helped me out by giving me free park admission.

The very first roller coaster that we went on was the Steel Eel. Actually, I stayed with Emma because she was too short to ride it. So, Zelda and Gwennie went on the ride. Zelda told me that Gwennie was terrified of it. I asked Gwennie if she wanted to ride it with me. She shot back, "No!" Zelda told me that I could ride it if I wanted to. Seeing that there was no line since we got to the park when it opened, I decided to ride it. I got right into the last cart where you can feel the weighlessness the best. However, there was already a couple in the very back row, so I sat right in front of them. Still the very last cart though.

As we were going up, I could see Zelda and the kids down below. I waved. Then, over the first drop. The guy behind me says, "Oooohhhh nnnnooooo....We're not doing any more rides." Back up we go only to go down another drop. This is pretty much the entire ride. By the 4th drop, the guy behind me starts coughing. It was at this point, I'm thinking. Great, this guy is going to blow chunks all over the back of my head. Every drop, he coughed heavier as if heaving at points. Just when the heaving gets so bad that I've accepted my fate of being Spewed on, the ride stops.

"Ooooooooooohhhhhhhhh. It didn't work....the dramamine didn't work......"

I (thanking god that there wasn't someone's gastric and intestinal lining on the back of my head) chuckled and turned around to ask the guy, "You alright?"

"Yeah........I think.......No more rides."

Happy Birthday, Sweetheart

2008-05-05T09:59:00.001-05:00

Not a day goes by that I don't thank God you were born. Happy Birthday, Zelda. I love you.

God, this cracked me up

2008-04-23T00:24:00.000-05:00

Happy Ending

2008-04-10T21:17:00.000-05:00

This post is for Christina the massage therapist. After my very first car accident about 20 years ago, I was recommended to have some kind of muscle work done. I called up a massage parlor to have my neck and low back done.

me: "Hi, I've never had a massage done before. But, it was recommended to me that I get one done. What should I expect?"

them: "It's 60 dollars an hour for a professional NON SEXUAL massage." (extra empasis by them)

me: "huh?"

them: "This is a professional service, sir. There is no sex involved."

me: ".....uuuuuuhhhhhhh.....I was involved in a car accident. The doctor told me I should get a massage for my muscles that ache."

them: "Oooohhhhhh. Well, then let me put our injury specialist on the line."

me: "NON SEXUAL specialist, right?"

them: (giggling) "Of course."

I'm a doctor, not a lover...except to my wife. Then, I'm both.

2008-04-04T11:04:00.000-05:00

Usually when I get hit on by patients at work, it's never direct. Most of the time, the patients will just make a nice compliment with a litte bit of "it's a shame you're married" ending. Those things I can handle. I did have one patient who asked me if she needed to remove her shirt even though her problem was in her knee. My response? "No, we'll just focus on your knee." That was probably the closest to being direct until a few days ago.

Patient: "Doctor, can I ask you a question?"

Me: "Sure."

Pt: "Are you interested in me? Because, I'm interested in you. I get the feeling you're interested in me because you treat me differently from your other patients."

Me: ".........(eyes wide).......uuuuuuuhhhhhhh. Look, I can't pursue anything with you because of 3 reasons.
1) I'm married.
2) I take that marriage very seriously.
3) You're my patient. It is illegal for me to have any kind of relationship with my patients."

What kind of gets me is that she thought I treated her differently from my other patients. I'm not sure where she gets this idea. I do sit and talk with my patients regarding not only their ailments but about their daily lives as well. It makes time go by faster throughout their therapy. Plus, I find their lives interesting. Zelda and I have gone to plays with our patients. We've gone to have sushi, sake, and fine wines with another of our patients. We've been invited to hockey games. We got free tickets to Sea World. It's just that since we've moved to New City, we don't have as many friends as we did in Houston.

Hopefully, I handled that situation properly.

Doing my part to keep the first amendment alive

2008-03-29T16:09:00.000-05:00

Apparently, threats have prompted Liveleak.com to pull this video.

I may or may not agree with what Pat Dollard does. However, I'll give him credit to not cave in to pressure.

Hat tip to Ala.

Sex Questions II

2008-03-21T20:50:00.000-05:00

I actually get to know my patients on more personal level. It really helps them to ask questions they would not normally ask. I have this one patient who came to me after he hurt his shoulder. I told him that he has a partial tear on one of his tendons. He asked me if he could go fishing. I told him that as long as he wasn't using his injured shoulder, he would be okay. Next thing you know, we were talking about anything and everything related to fishing. After a couple of treatments, we had an interesting conversation.

Patient: "So, do you do other stuff besides neck, shoulders, and low back?"

Me: "Yes. The only thing different between me and an MD is that I don't prescribe controlled substances and I don't do surgical procedures. MDs tend to focus more on Pharmocology as treatments and I tend to focus more on Biomechanics through alternative methods for treatments."

Patient: "Can I ask you a question then?"

Me: "Sure."

Patient: "Alright, whenever a girl is riding me, my legs go numb and I can't feel it as much."

Me: "You mean she's on top?"

Patient: "Yeah. I even tried it with a really skinny white chick and it still goes numb. I can keep my dick hard but I just can't feel it."

Me: "Let me do a couple of orthopedic tests."

After doing a few orthopedic tests, I found what was going on.

Me: "Your hip flexors are compressing on the spermatic cord. Associated with the spermatic cord are various nerves that extend into the pubic region. Because your hip muscles are so tight, it's irritating specific nerves, especially sensory nerves. So, what you need to do is to take the pressure off of the nerves by elongating the musculature around the path of the nerve. Let me show you a couple of stretches that will help you."

Patient: "That's it?"

Me: "Yep. Real easy, huh?"

A few days go by.

Patient: "Hey, Daaawwwwg! Waaassssaaaapeeniiiiiiiiiiiinggggg!"

Me: "You seem happy."

Patient: "I can fuckin' feel it again, man. "

Me: "So that explains your happiness."

Sex Questions

2008-03-14T09:40:00.000-05:00

I get all kinds of questions from patients. It's especially interesting when I get questions regarding sex. It's rather weird. Whenever I'm out of the office, I crack jokes and have fun with it. However when a patient asks me questions about sex, I don't think twice about it and answer any questions they may have.

Female Patient: "Doctor, can I have rough sex or will it hurt my back more?"

Me: "Define rough sex."

Female Patient: "What do you mean rough sex? You know.....rough sex."

Me: "Well, are you dominating or is he dominating? Not only that, but if you're dominating, what position are you doing that in? How hard is the repetitive penetration? How long is it going on for? In what way are you twisting your body? Describe it to me and I can tell you whether or not it will aggravate it."

Female Patient: "...............Alright, let's just say doggie style."

Me: "Doggie style is fine if you can maintain the correct posture. However, you also have to be careful as to how hard he is pulling you against him as well as how hard you're pushing yourself against him. So for now, let's just hold off on the rough stuff for a couple of weeks until I can get your intervertebral disc spaces opened up a little bit and maintained through conservative methods."

Female Patient: "But I really like it rough."

Me: "I understand that. But if you want to continue having rough sex without the pain, I need some time to get you better. Think about it this way, if you give me just a few weeks to help you, you can enjoy the rough stuff a lot more because you won't have the low back pain."

Female Patient: "Oh, alright."

I also had a male patient ask me questions. I'll post about that one in a few days.

Happy 9th Anniversary

2008-03-06T09:59:00.000-06:00

It was 9 years ago today that I stood with you and promised that I would love you forever. Since then, I have grown to love you more and more each and every day. You are my best friend. You have intellectually challenged me like no other. You make me smile. You make me laugh. You make me feel like I'm the only one in your world. I miss you everyday, even when I'm at work.

It's been 9 years but everyday it still feels like it's brand new. Happy Anniversary, Zelda. I love you.

Updates

2008-02-28T14:08:00.000-06:00

I've been so extremely busy with the clinic. It's a good thing when you're busy. My patient load is increasing fast.

As most of you know, my parents were robbed at gunpoint the other night. I was going to vent like I always do on my blog, but I will just let the actions of those 2 black kids speak for themselves. I welcome the black community to step in and denounce these kids instead of making excuses for them.

I downloaded a bunch of porn to send to my bro, Corin, in Iraq. He had specific requests. Of course I checked them for quality control. I care about whether or not I'm sending him quality or shit.

Whoops, my next patient is here. More updates later.

A strange and funny dream

2008-02-13T17:21:00.000-06:00

I woke up yesterday morning and told Zelda about a funny dream that I had. She thought it was funny and told me that I should blog about it.

In this dream, there was this stupid, silly white guy getting on my nerves. He was going around putting some sort of a red sticker on people, which put them in a hypnotic state. Then, he was able to make them do anything he said. This guy saw me and ran up to me with his arm stretched out trying to put the sticker on me. Being pissed off, I grabbed his hand and applied a joint lock on his wrist where I instantly bent his elbow back and forced the sticker on his back.

He started swaying back and forth confused. He asked me, "What's going on?"

I'm still pissed and said, "GO FUCK YOURSELF!!!!!!"

He replied, "Okay." and left.

Then the dream shifts scenes as if I was watching a TV sitcom. A black woman was sitting in her living room, when her husband walks in from the kitchen with a look of shock on his face. "There is some crazy ass white boy in there fucking himself." Then you hear the audience's laughter.

Strange huh?

What's that noise?

2008-02-06T14:57:00.000-06:00

A few months ago, I had a patient whose x-rays needed to be read by a radiologist. So, I went to my old radiology professor. This patient had an implant to help with his erectile dysfunction. I knew about it because I had taken a thorough history. So, it was no surprise when I saw it on the x-ray film when I processed it.

My professor took the films out of the sleeve, put them up on his view box, and flicked on the back light.

"Oh wow. I haven't seen one of those in awhile."

Everyone in the office gathers around him. "Can anyone tell me what that is? Dr. Jethro, don't say anything."

A few seconds go by and no one said a word. So, my professor spoke up.

"That is an implant to help this patient with erectile dysfunction."

One person asked, "Why is the bulk of it on his leg?"

"That's where he has to pump it up."

Then, my old professor told us that seeing this device reminded him of a funny story. Years ago, he saw a patient with a similar implant. He had to run some imaging on the patient to repair the device. My old prof asked the patient whether the device was broken. The patient responded with, "Sort of".

"Sort of? What does that mean?"

"Well doc, let me show you."

Each time he pressed to pump up the implant, there was a loud squeaking sound.

"Doc, it's a real mood killer."

A political Post

2008-01-25T11:18:00.000-06:00

A friend of mine wanted me to do a political post about the primaries. So, I will oblige.

Ron Paul is completely unelectable. If he (by some miracle) wins the nomination, Hillary or Obama's win will give new definition to the word: landslide.

Huckabee - No.

Romney - No. He's also unelectable.

Guiliani - No. Y'all know how I feel about the second amendment.

McCain - Not my first pick, but I trust him to make good decisions in favor of our troops. His record is okay in regards to the 2nd amendment.

It's no secret that the man I agreed with most was Fred Thompson or Duncan Hunter. However, since Fred Thompson and Hunter dropped out, I will be voting for McCain. I don't agree with everything McCain has done, but he does uphold the issues that are most important to me. Some of the other issues, I can hold my nose. But, the most important issues are still there. Not only that, but he is only one of 2 people who has a chance at beating Hillary or Obama. And, I will NOT turn over the fate of my bro in Iraq to either of them.

That's what kind of gets me about people who say, "If a true conservative isn't going to win, then I'm not voting." Well, that's great for you to stand up for your principles. How about the basic principle of backing our troops? Do you really think our troops want Hillary or Obama to decide their fate?

Can I Have Fries With That Grenade Launcher?

2008-01-14T13:09:00.000-06:00

SoHos reminded me of a recent story I told to my friends.

As many of you know, my buddy Corin was recently deployed to Iraq. I've been in communication with him via email since he's left. I'm always asking him if there's anything that he needs. We would do our best to send him whatever he wants/needs.

Some of the things he mentioned were typical. There was the blue powder Gatorade, a pack of handkerchiefs, Dunhill cigarrettes, etc. There was one request that caught my attention. Not because it was unexpected (actually, it was), but because it was something I thought might catch some attention from other folks. He asked me if I could find him a cleaning kit for his M203.

Now, Corin carries an M4, which is a shortened version of the M16. Attached to the underside of his M4 is a grenade launcher. That's the M203. I thought about this for a second. Then, it was too good to pass up. I walked into a local gun store here in New City. I asked the guy at the front desk:

Me: "Excuse me, do you have a cleaning kit for an M203?"

Guy behind the desk: "....M203....M203....M203...........(about 10 seconds go by)....Isn't that a grenade launcher?"

Me: "Yes."

Guy behind the desk: "...........................(I swear I got a full 30 second stare as if I were Al Qaeda standing in front of him)........"

I couldn't keep a straight face after 30 seconds, so I busted out laughing: "It's for my friend of mine who's in Iraq. He says they're short of them and could really use a cleaning kit."

Guy behind the desk: "..............OOOOOOOHHHHHHHH!!!!!! Well, I just don't think I have anything big enough to cover that. Go over to that wall and tell me what the biggest shotgun brush we have is."

Me: "....... 12 gauge."

Guy behind the desk: "Nope. Won't do. Sorry, sir."

Me: " That's okay. Thank you."

I left laughing the whole way home. Sometimes, you just got to have a little fun.

For my Venison Lovers

2008-01-12T11:24:00.000-06:00

This is what happens when a buck gets caught in a swing and panics trying to escape.

Now you know that's going to be very lean meat.

I Demand Affirmative Action!

2008-01-08T15:47:00.000-06:00

It has come to my attention that there are different races that are missing out on the college experience because people don't give a damn about racial diversity.

Scholarships are given with no consideration to the fact that there are people out there who deserve a chance to go to college without the burden of having to overcome stereotypes.

Therefore, I demand that we "expand" these millions of dollars of scholarship money to include more non-black athletic scholarships. These athletic scholarships shell out far more money per individual than any academic scholarship given per individual. I mean, if academic scholarships can't be given on the basis of personal achievement, then neither can athletic scholarships.

EQUALITY FOR ALL!!!!!!!!!!! Or, are you a RACIST?!

I DEMAND AFFIRMATIVE ACTION FOR ATHLETIC SCHOLARSHIPS. I want to see more racial equality to the collegiate sports teams!

If you oppose me, you're obviously a RACIST.

Karma's a bitch, ain't it?

The greatest password on Earth

2008-01-01T18:35:00.000-06:00

My sister was helping my father with the computer the other day. Dad is not exactly very computer literate.

He did, of course, set up some sort of an email account. While trying to explain to him how things worked, my sister asked my dad to put in his password for his email account.

Dad entered: "1"....."2"....."3"....."4"....."5"

My sister responded, "Are you serious?"

Then my dad hit "Enter".

The skunk and the Smoke Alarm

2007-12-26T22:17:00.000-06:00

Zelda is quite under the weather lately. Truth is, she's been overworking herself over the Christmas holiday trying to make it a nice one for the kids.

Because of that, she started a story that I guess I should fill everyone in on.

Last week, I decided to leave the window to our bedroom open because it was going to be a cool, yet not too cold night. Around 2:30 am, a loud high pitched buzzing went off. Zelda woke up and slapped her alarm a couple of times before it stopped. She commented, "That's weird, my alarm never sounded like that before." I noticed there was a faint yet obvious scent of sulfur in the room, but was too tired to care.

We went back to sleep. 45 minutes later, the same high pitched buzzing went off. Zelda again slapped her alarm several times before the buzzing stopped. I told her to unplug the fucking thing and I would get her a new one the following day.

We went back to sleep. 30 minutes later, the same high went off AGAIN! Her alarm was unplugged. Then it hit me. It's either a poltergeist hell bent on pissing us off, or it was the smoke alarm. At this time, the scent of skunk somewhere in the neighborhood was OBVIOUSLY permeating through our room. I instantly closed the window and was desparately looking for air fresheners.

We had no idea that skunk "funk" could set off smoke alarms. Has anyone heard of such a thing? We actually stayed up a couple more hours just looking for information on that. No luck.

"I Love You"

2007-12-13T16:20:00.000-06:00

These 3 words can mean so much to people. For the sake of this post, these 3 words were the basis of a little bit of fun.

I was talking on the phone with a buddy of mine once. I don't even remember what we were talking about. Anyways, I always hear Joe when he talks with his wife. He always ended phone calls to his wife with, "I Love You." So, guess what he blurts out when we finished our conversation? "I Love You."

OOOOOOOH NOOOOOO! You can't make a mistake like that and not have a bunch of guys take advantage of the situation.

I called him back, "Did you just say, 'I Love You?'"

He embarrassingly laughs, "Yeah...."

me: "You know, Joe. You're not a bad looking guy...."

Joe: "Shut up, Jethro."

me: "....but I'm not into guys, ya know?"

Joe: "Fuck you."

me: "Fucking is definitely out of the question, but will you at least settle for a handshake?"

Joe: "You're an ass."

me: "No, Joe. You can't have my ass."

Joe: "Dude, I'm just so used to saying that to my wife."

me: "I know. I had to give you a hard time."

The most awesome quote I've heard in awhile

2007-12-06T20:04:00.000-06:00

This was a quote from one of my friend's wife.

"Asian men love to go down because it reminds them of their momma's cooking."

Ramen! Amen!

2007-12-03T12:22:00.000-06:00

My first year of college, I got to witness quite a few different things. One thing in particular that caught my attention was how you guys eat Ramen noodles. Now, when an Asian makes Ramen noodles, we put lettuce, bean sprouts, onions, and some kind of meat, whether it be chicken, BBQ pork, beef, etc.

I was coming out of my room when I noticed another person in the dorms heating a bowl of ramen noodles. I asked, "What are you going to put in that?" The person looked at me funny. Then I realized that they were going to eat it plain.

I've never seen anything like that before. You don't eat just plain ramen! That's just wrong! Then I saw others doing it. So, I tried it without the veggies, without the meat, without the other extras.

How in the hell did you guys screw up Ramen noodles?!

I went to a friend's house who was from Taiwan. His wife is also white. We were talking about it when his wife says, "Leave it up to the Asians to make something like Ramen noodles into a healthy meal."

Damn skippy.

Nooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2007-11-29T21:01:00.000-06:00

My laptop/tablet has been sent in for warranty work. There is a stupid little screw that broke that keeps the LCD intact. So, that and the fact that the clinic is picking up speed is taking up alot of my time when it comes to blogging.

I got a call today from my buddy, Corin. He was shipping out today for Iraq. God Speed, bro. He lent me his Xbox 360 before he left with some really good games on it. I promised him I would beat one of the games he gave me called Stranglehold. According to Corin, if you're a John Woo fan, it's the best game ever.

Apologies to Trashman. The picture is on my laptop's harddrive. I couldn't repost it.

God Speed, my friend

2007-11-18T14:34:00.001-06:00

Last night, we took our buddy Corin out to our old college bar for his deployment party. He'll be deployed to Iraq before the end of the month. As most of you know from reading Zelda's blog, it was also my birthday. I didn't want people to focus on me because this weekend was supposed to be about Corin. I asked Zelda not to mention anything about it while we were out. Wouldn't you know it, Corin was the first to speak up and say, "Happy Birthday."

We had an interesting night, especially Zelda who almost got into a fight with some drunk bitch. I'll let her tell y'all the story. I was quite proud of her. She verbally put that girl in her place.

Well, I have a birthday dinner tonight with the extended family. Thanks to Trashman, who called me up to say, "Happy Birthday."

Corin, stay safe and kick some ass. I'll see you Summer 2009 when you get back for a few nice cold ones.

Update and Pictures

2007-11-07T11:02:00.000-06:00

I've been so extremely busy with the clinic and fixing up our house back in Houston that I've had almost no time to visit y'alls blogs. This weekend, I'll be driving Zelda and the kids back to Houston to continue work. But, I've got to turn right back around and drive back here to work an event on Sunday. I'm going to be stretching athletes to promote the clinic.

Here's a few pictures from Halloween.

Zelda didn't want me to post this one, but I had to brag a little. You people better thank me because I'm going to get punished.....OH SOOOOO PUNISHED!

The Trailer Park

2007-11-05T09:22:00.000-06:00

Zelda and I were driving to the clinic this morning when I noticed a van painted like a lady bug. I tried to point it out to her, but she was looking for a trailer park that we see every time we drive down this one particular road.

It reminded me about something I don't really talk about, but not because it's something I'm ashamed of. I just don't think about it. You see, I grew up in a trailer park for a few years in grade school.

Zelda was mentioning how sweet it was that some people tried to decorate a trailer. I told her about our trailer. In one little two bedroom trailer were my gandparents, my family, and one of my cousin's family. I told Zelda how we actually built a covered patio, a separate garage, added an additional room, and had a vegetable garden. When trash built up, we went into the back yard and torched it in our trash pile.

Wow, I was actually trailer park trash. Woo Hoo!

Talk about a loaded weekend

2007-10-28T09:21:00.000-05:00

We're back in Houston this week continuing more work that needs to be done on the house. We're painting the rooms to our house and loading up the last of our shit that needs to go to New City.

There was also a memorial mass at our old University for our friend, Sgt. Charles Kitowski. We and several of our friends donated enough money to have a paver installed in front of the University's new chapel. It was dedicated to him right after the mass. Right after that, there was a reception where Zelda and I brought the huge picture of Charles that we had blown up. A few of our other friends put together a scrap book of several pictures and quotes from friends about Charles. His family was so pleased with everything we had done. There's also supposed to be a memorial tree planted in his name somewhere on the campus. I don't think that's been done yet. Immediately after the reception, a group of us went to have lunch where we exchanged more old memories of Charles. Immediately after that, four of us went to our old watering hole, Griff's Tavern, to ask about setting up a going away party for our other friend who will be deployed to Iraq in November.

After that, Zelda and I went to Home Depot where we spent 3 hours picking out and buying flooring to our house. Zelda's grandmother will be moving in next week. While at Home Depot, I got a call from a friend of ours who was at the memorial who said he was at our neck of the woods and that he and his fiance were at Frank N Stein's watching the Texas A&M game. We said that we would join them for a beer or two.

When we got to their table, we noticed a young lady who looked very familiar to us. We'll call her Kay. It was killing me because I KNEW that I had seen her somewhere. I just couldn't remember where. I ordered beer and chicken wings. Zelda ordered a philly cheesesteak. Zelda asked her if she possibly knew one of her eight sisters. No luck. I asked her what high school she went to. She told us, but again no luck. Everyone was having a great conversation but I remained relatively quiet. My mind was working. Where had I seen this person?!

Then it hit me. I asked her, "Did you attend a wine tasting party about a month ago?" She said yes. Then I asked her, "Do you have a friend who lives around Clear Creek or Clear Lake or something like that who has a blog?" She said, "Sohos and Count!"

I'm telling you, the world is such a small place.

Accident

2007-10-17T00:54:00.000-05:00

That's all it was. It was simply an accident. The poor little old lady who hit me was practically crying as the officer handed her the report.

All I remember was sitting at a red light waiting for it to turn green. Next thing I know, there was a loud sound and sharp pain on the right side of my neck and shoulder. I didn't even brace for the impact because I didn't know it was about to happen.

I'm okay. I just have a pretty consistent and bad headache along with some discomfort in both shoulders.

The officer asked me what my profession was. I told him Chiropractor. He looked down at the form he was filling out before he looked back up again and flashed a smirk. I could hear his thoughts. "Sucks to be her." I'm willing to bet that that's what he was thinking.

As promised

2007-10-02T22:45:00.000-05:00

Here it is, as promised. Go ahead, laugh your asses off. I'm shaving it after I surprise a few of our Houston friends.

It Burns!

2007-09-30T18:22:00.001-05:00

Working on my 3rd week of not shaving. I am getting poked. Not just brushed. I mean, POKED!

Do you want to know why most Asians shave? It's because our facial hair is so fucking coarse that they can be used as weapons. I went to give Zelda a kiss and stabbed her lips. She's putting pressure on the bloody wound right now but apparently, her masochistic side likes it.

When I smile, when I frown, when I make ANY kind of facial expression, I stab myself. I feel like getting botox injections just to get a break.

Zelda's making me promise not to shave until we return to Houston to surprise our friends.

I found our camera, but the batteries are dead. I'll go to the local store within the next couple of days just for your amusement.

Fu Man Chu

2007-09-21T00:42:00.000-05:00

Or however the hell you spell it. I haven't shaved in a week. Zelda wants me to grow out my facial hair. I tried it once a long time ago. It just didn't look right. Then, it started to itch. Now, my woman wants to see what I look like with it. Since she's the only one I'm trying to impress, I'll give it another try.

I can just see it now, I'm going to have this Fu Man Chu, dressed up in traditional Asian clothing, and giving Kung fu lessons while stroking the facial hair and laughing while my students get the shit beat out of each other. Okay, that was pretty funny. Oh well, give me a couple of drinks and I'll consider taking a few pictures of it and posting it....maybe.

Just understand that most Asians do not grow facial hair as quickly as some of you sasquatch white boys. I mean that with the utmost of love for my white brothers. I don't have chest hair which you will probably mock, but I also don't have back hair, which you probably envy....maybe...deep down.....inside....somewhere. God I crack myself up.

Bring It On!

2007-09-09T16:11:00.000-05:00

We have had our first two weeks at the clinic. I've never worked for myself before. It's an overwhelming feeling. I no longer have to clear my decisions with anyone else.

One of my more memorable patients my first week injured her neck. At first, she told me that she fell. When I questioned her a little more as to how she fell, she admitted that it she didn't exactly fall. She told me that she had a shot glass on her forhead and did a shot of something without using her hands. I think she also said it involved her knees and a flip of some sort.

I have no idea how this was accomplished so I told her that after I fix her problem, she was going to have to show me how she did it. I was joking of course, but then I thought. Actually, I would really like to see that.

I have some down time right now. My next patient will be here any minute. I'm having a ball. There's still a lot of work to do but everything is looking so promising.

Okay, I just wanted to chime in and let everyone know I'm alive and that things are starting to really pan out. I'll post more updates whenever I get more down time.

For you, Corin

2007-08-29T20:25:00.000-05:00

My buddy Corin just got back from training in the field the other night. I called him up. He was already drinking. He found out about Charles the night of the wake. He couldn't make the funeral. The rules are very strict and are there for a reason. Now that he has some down time, it's hitting him pretty hard. What do you say to a soldier who lost one of our closest friends? He kept saying to me, "It should've been me! It should've been me! Not Charles!"

Corin got back from Afghanistan a couple of months ago. He is single handedly responsible for the capture of a major Taliban Mullah named Mullah Usman. Of course you won't hear shit about it in the news (except in the Chinese papers...google it. Let me know if you get anymore information than his own close friends. I'm not holding my breath). He's also assisted in the capture of another major Taliban Mullah (I don't remember his name). Again, you won't hear shit about that news.

We took him out last night to meet up again with some old friends. We toasted to our heroes: Charles, Corin, and the United States military. Today, we're taking him out for some dim sum. Then, he had a special request. He wants to visit Charles' grave to pay his last respects.

Corin will be deployed to Iraq in November. Keep him in your prayers.

*Update*

We just got back from the cemetary. Zelda had asked Corin if he wanted to get flowers. Corin said that Charles wouldn't want flowers. So, Corin brought a bottle of 18 year old Glenlivet with him. We stood there for awhile. Corin took one swig of scotch then handed me the bottle. I took one swig and handed it back. He then poured the rest of it out over Charles' grave.

Corin: "Now that I'm here, I don't really know what to say."

Me: "I don't know how to salute properly. You do."

With that, Corin and I went to the foot of the grave. Corin faced Charles and gave him a military salute. As we were walking away, we talked.

Me: "I wish I could do that."

Corin: "It's not difficult."

Me: "I won't do it."

Corin: "I wouldn't have minded if you did, but I really appreciate it that you understand that it's personal to the military."

There you have it folks. I am so blessed to have been surrounded in the past with courageous friends as Corin and Charles.

Taps

2007-08-20T20:56:00.000-05:00

Yeah I know it's Zelda's title too. But when Taps was played right after the 21 gun salute, I broke down. Go read Zelda's take on it. Then, you can read mine over at Blonde Sagacity. Thanks to Ala for letting me share Charles with everyone.

Our friend that we were trying to get out from training in the field was not able to make it. The rules are very strict. I understand that. His parents came to the funeral for him. Please keep our friend Corin in your prayers as well. He'll be deployed around November for Iraq.

I still tear up from time to time, but it's getting less and less. I'm still having difficulty sleeping. Zelda and I ate our first real meal Sunday afternoon. I think it gets worse when it's slow at work and I have nothing to do. I'm so lethargic.

We had one last send off for Charles at our college watering hole Saturday night. All of our old friends showed up. It was really good to see everyone again. Charles would've been proud. It's what he wanted when he got back.

I'm going to try again to sleep tonight. Good night all.

2007-08-17T09:44:00.000-05:00

This picture was taken one night in the dorms. It was a 50's party. Yeah, we looked ridiculous. But, it was still fun. Charles is on the left, Kevin is in the middle, and I'm on the right. Charles was the type of guy who would bring over a few beers if you were feeling down. Then, he would organize a party around you. He was always wanting to do more.

I met Charles his first year of college when I went down to my old room to see who had taken it over. We invited him to join our beginning of the year party. A family was instantly born. Needless to say, we pretty much partied almost every weekend. When it was his second year, Charles went down to meet the guy who had taken over his & mine old dorm room. He walked in as if he knew the guy his entire life and invited him to join our family. He was always wanting to do more.

When he enlisted, he had a good job, a beautiful fiance, a nice home, and a great future. Still, he wanted to do more. When asked why he enlisted despite having everything going great for him, he replied that he couldn't stand the thought of some other guy enlisting with a wife and kids. That, folks, was the type of person Charles was. That is why these past few days have been so hard.

I've been trying to get a hold of our other friend who enlisted. He's in Louisiana training for Iraq. He'll be deployed in November. We are attempting to see if he could be pulled off the field for the funeral. He got the message last night. He called me and was crying. Then, all of the same emotions from the first day hit me again. He asked me to call his mom and to see if she could contact the Red Cross messenger to see if he could get a pass for the weekend to attend the funeral. I did that. Tonight is the wake. Tomorrow, the funeral. We're not sure if he's going to be able to make it in time. I'm not too upset if he can't make it. The reason is because he's training to survive. I've already lost one close friend. I don't want to lose another. Still, it would be nice to have him there.

As for me, I'm doing better. I have to. Today is Gwennie's 8th birthday. We're going to take her out to pick out a present. Then, we're throwing her a party.

R.I.P. Soldier

2007-08-13T21:24:00.000-05:00

It is an extremely sad day in Houston. One of mine and Zelda's closest friends in the world was killed in Afghanistan.

Charles, (aka Carlos in my previous posts) I will always remember our drunken all nighter video game tournaments in the dorms. I will always remember that I met you because you took over my first dorm room and asked me, "Why the hell do we have an industrial strength roach bait in the bathroom?" I will always remember how fucking childish we were in college. I will always remember how you turned it around when you enlisted. I will always remember how proud we were of you before you left. I will always remember the pain we felt when we found out. I will always remember what you asked of me before you left. Sgt. Charles Kitowski III, We will remember you always, bro.

Rest in Peace

Bullshitting around the office

2007-08-05T17:57:00.000-05:00

The office was a little slow the other day. While we were doing paperwork, I was talking to our front desk and our massage therapist. Her husband (we'll call him Cooter) was involved in some funny ass shit when he was younger.

We'll start the story with a kid named Jay. Jay was known to smell funny around school because he was hesitant to shower in front of other people. He would never shower after gym.

Jay, Cooter, and a few friends started drinking one night and Jay passed out drunk. Cooter and the rest of the guys decided that it would be funny as hell to tie Jay up butt naked to the front end of his Jeep and drive around town.

They stripped Jay up and tied him to the front of the Jeep and started driving up to the drive thru windows of numerous all night fast food facilities. In fact, they circled 3 particular fast food chains 4 times.

Obviously, it wasn't long until flashing lights were right behind them. Cooter pulled over.

"Cooter?"

"Hi, uncle Bob."

"Why is there a nekkid boy on the front of your Jeep? You know what? I don't want to know. You git yer ass home and I'm callin' yer momma."

"Yessir."

It's easily 15 miles back home since they're in the middle of Arkansas. Apparently, on the way back, there were times where Jay would come out of his drunken coma and start screaming. They could keep driving. He would continue to relapse into his drunken coma. This apparently happened all the way home.

The next morning, Cooter's mom woke him up early in the morning.

"Son, I was just woke up a few minutes ago. Why is there a nekkid boy tied to the front of yer Jeep screamin' for someone to cut him loose?"

They had driven all the way home and were too drunk to untie their own friend.

On the brighter side of things, since the entire town had now seen Jay naked, he no longer felt embarrassed to shower in front of others.

Resignation

2007-07-29T18:44:00.000-05:00

I have resigned my position at the current clinic. We're hoping to move by the mid or end of August. We've got to move quickly in order to move out by then. We will be doing a lot of packing and planning until then.

Um, Excuse me?

2007-07-22T14:08:00.000-05:00

It surprises me how often a guy gets hit on just for having the word "doctor" in front of his name. I had a patient once. She was blonde haired and blue eyed with some sort of an Eastern European accent.

Patient: "Should I take my shirt off?"

Me: "It says here you have a knee problem."

Patient: "yeah, and?"

Me: "Ummm, no that's alright."

I rise again!

2007-07-21T10:35:00.000-05:00

I've been extremely busy with the clinic lately. We finally have another new front desk girl. And, I've taken my first whole official week of vacation. Actually, there's a slight flaw. The main doctor had forgotten that she has jury duty on Tuesday so I may have to take back one of my vacation days and work this Tuesday. So, I'll be able to visit a lot of y'all on your blogs this week.

I know I promised a few details about plans of ours in motion. However, Zelda has informed me that there is yet another crazed left wing lunatic that has been known to stalk people she disagrees with. So for the safety of our children, I can't give too many details about what's going on. Just know this. There are plans to purchase an existing practice in another city. This came up not too long ago. As it stands now, we just don't make enough money to sustain our expenses. Something must be done. So, we're going to rent out our house and cash out the equity that we have and purchase this clinic. It's already making enough to cover their overhead. That, plus it's only a part time clinic. I'm going to make it full time. The doctor there will stay on to assure a nice transition period.

The one draw back is that we'll be moving away from family. At least we'll be working towards something to provide a future for the girls.

For this vacation, we should be able to do more work on the house in order and ready to rent out.

Nothing is permanent or set in stone yet. We're simply getting things ready just in case everything works out. We still have lots of legal and accounting information to sort through. So, now you all know where I've been.

Hello

2007-07-01T23:57:00.000-05:00

Just a quick hello to everyone. Things have been moving very quickly lately. We'll fill everyone in on details as soon as they pan out.

Good Bye, Grandpa. You'll be missed.

2007-05-30T08:50:00.000-05:00

My grandfather in Vietnam (my mom's side) has just passed away. I got the call this morning as I was about to leave for work. I knew he had been a little sick, but last thing I heard was that he was getting better.

My grandmother, on the other hand, had a stroke and was in the process of recovering. I'm not sure if I need to return to Vietnam. I don't think I'll be able to. It costs anywhere from $2000 to $6000 just for the ticket and my passport is expired. Mom will be leaving in the next day or 2 to return. I don't think I can renew my passport that quickly.

I'm taking the morning off just so I can clear my head and compose myself to focus on my job. Right now, it's a little hard to do. It was a rather nasty shock this morning.

I remember going back to Vietnam for a visit several years ago. My grandfather was sick back then, and my mom wanted for us to see him before he possibly passed. I like to think that it was because we showed up that gave him about 10 more years to enjoy. The visit was great. I'm only 5'11". Over there, I was a giant. My grandfather was so proud that everyone who came by the house he would tell them to look at me. "That boy is OVER 1.8 meters tall." He looked at my size 11.5 basketball shoes and laughed as he tried them on over his sandals. He told everyone to look at him as he tried to jump with them on. Imagine the sight of an old Vietnamese man barely 5 feet tall trying on 11.5 basketball shoes. Everyone got a kick out of it.

Y'all remember the movie The Karate Kid? Remember when Mr. Miyagi was trying to catch the fly with the chopsticks? Okay, well my grandfather didn't actually catch flies. He used chopsticks to smack at them. My sisters called him Mr. Miyagi for that one.

We actually brought them over here a couple years ago. We took them to the typical tourist places. But what did they want to take pictures of? The freeway overpasses. They had never seen anything like that. It's amazing the things we take for granted here.

Bye, Grandpa. I miss you already.

A new picture

2007-05-23T21:16:00.001-05:00

As you all can imagine, things are quite hectic here. As soon as I get one thing done, 10 things come up that I need to take care of. So, here's a new pic of the family at the girls' last play where they played the part of Bippy and Boppy, twin circus clowns.

Still here

2007-05-20T22:38:00.000-05:00

Still here everyone. As you can tell from Zelda's entries, we're going through MAJOR life changes right now. Things are moving very quickly. That includes the setbacks too.

I just got back from taking my buddy who just got back from Afghanistan to the Houston Gun Show. I just spent hours listenining to stories of what is actually is going on over there. I find it amazing that the fact he is DIRECTLY responsible for the capture of a MAJOR mullah have gone unreported in the United States "news papers".

I don't want to specify any details because he's headed to Iraq in a few months and I don't want to identify who he is.

I took him to the gun show in Houston today and I found my dream rifle. The M14. Just a few years of raising funds and it's mine.

Alright, rumor has it that we've got some planning to do in order to take a short trip next weekened. Zelda and I are going to attempt to make it possible. I don't know if it's really possible, but we'll definitely make one hell of an effort. Ciao for now.

You don't have to eat head

2007-04-12T22:39:00.000-05:00

My parents took us to a restaurant a while back. Now when my parents take us out to eat, we eat family style. We order a bunch of dishes and everyone has a little bit of everything. There's a certain Vietnamese dish where the entire shrimp is fried. The head, shells, and all. Usually, people familiar with the dish eat the entire thing. No peeling necessary.

I'm familiar with this dish. So I scooped up a couple, and proceed to devour whole shrimp. Zelda picks up a shrimp and looks at it. I told her that she didn't have to eat it the way that I do. She could take the head off and peel the shell. Zelda, being the ever vigilant daughter-in-law not wanting to give a hint of offending her parents-in-law, said right in front of my mom that she was okay with eating shrimp that way. After she popped a few more in her mouth, she looked over at my mom's plate.

There it was, my mom had been eating the shrimp too, but she took the heads off and peeled them. Zelda screamed out, "You're not eating the heads?!" My mom answered her, "No...you don't have to."

We're back!

2007-03-25T22:11:00.000-05:00

I'm exhausted. Let's see here. We landed in Charlotte and instantly got a rental car and drove straight to Asheville where we met up with Angi, Tommy, and their boys. We feel like we've known them our entire lives. We walked around their town, ate hot dogs with slaw for the first time, saw 300, saw the nicest McDonalds (I kid you not, they have a baby grand piano in a McDonalds), relaxed, and hung out talking about anything and everything. I have never seen such spectacular scenery in my life.

Next, we drove to Virginia to see one of my classmates from Chiropractic school. We stayed with them for a night. They took us around their town and showed us their cabin at the base of a mountain. Again, I have never seen such spectacular scenery in my life. Zelda was wearing a tank top and got honked at several times in town.

We also drove to Philadelphia to meet ALa of Blonde Sagacity and her husband, Tesco. We had REAL Philadelphia cheesesteaks and scrapple. We also met up with another blogger known as Liz. They were all so much fun to talk to that we decided to hang out with them instead of seeing the tourist sites.

The wedding itself was a lot of fun. Zelda's childhood friends are very relaxed and laid back people. I'll describe more in another post. Right now, I'm ready to crash. Good night y'all.

To OZ!

2007-03-16T20:09:00.000-05:00

Okay maybe not Oz, but at least I'm getting some time away to clear my head a little bit. So, here we are, just days from meeting Angi, Tommy, and the gang. We've got some things to take care of regarding this wedding that we're going to, but I at least plan on having some fun while I'm gone. We've got our plane tickets, hotels, rental car, etc. etc. etc. If we forget something, which we always do, we'll just worry about it later. This should be an interesting trip. It's the first time I'll leave my great country of Texas since my grandmother died.

The kids are excited to spend an entire week with their grandparents. They should be. They're spoiled rotten by my parents. God only knows what creatures will have evolved upon our return.

Okay, in truth, I'm excited about going. I've been needing some time off for quite some time. North Carolina, Virgina, Angi and Tommy, and whoever else we feel like visiting, get ready. We're coming!

To Be or Not To Be?

2007-03-03T12:37:00.000-06:00

Let's try this again.

As it now stands, I work as an associate for another doctor in the greater Houston area. I make more than I did before I went to school. However, now that student loans are coming in, I'm effectively making less. The amount I'm making is supposed to increase with time. However, time is not on my side. Let's put it this way, I owe more to my education than 2 times my mortgage. It's actually closer to 3 times my mortgage. I'm suffering. I need to do something. I may need to take a chance and start my own. I need to support my family. If it takes a few years to build up a practice, at least I have that and, hopefully, a business loan.

I'm actually in the process of trying to refinancing our home and consolidating all of the credit card debt now. But, they needed my employment contract, land survey, W-2's, pay stubs, etc, etc, etc. By providing more of these documents, I could probably get a very good interest rate.

For awhile, the main doctor was under a lot of stress at the clinic. I don't blame her for it. The problem is that she tends to take that stress out on me and the others. When that happens, she tends to micro-manage. So, she'll pull me aside and talk to me for 15 minutes about the necessity of little things while people are waiting for their treatments. I understand that these little things are important for us to get paid, but I utilize a system of double checking myself especially during busy times. My main concern during busy times is to get people in and out. If I have to stay late and finish paper work, I will. I'm salary and have no problems with staying late to finish my paperwork. It costs her nothing extra.

The other day, we actually had a very good talk. We discussed that she tends to give very conflicting orders/requests. Once I gave her a single example of what she does, I saw her eyes open widely and a realization of what I've been trying to tell her for the past few months completely hit her. I felt better.

However, that still doesn't change our financial situation. I've been granted several opportunities. One is to run a clinic in one of the most remote areas on Earth in the harshest environment possible. Why would I consider this? It pays six figures. The other is to take a chance in opening my own place. That way, I could at least request a deferment on my school loans until I can make enough to pay it back. The problem is that we don't have enough capital. Obviously, we have a lot of decisions to make. My contract ends at the beginning of April. Time is ticking away quickly.

Fuck this new Blogger

2007-02-11T17:22:00.000-06:00

I just spilled my guts out about my current situation in regards to the possibility about going out on my own. However, since blogger has now decided to eat the entire post as well as now identifying me as Zelda since we share accounts, I have decided to say fuck it to the New Blogger.

I'll continue to post occasionally, y'all are going to know it's just me.

Bo Gia (Vietnamese for "The Godfather")

2007-01-13T10:15:00.000-06:00

One of my really good friends from Chiropractic school just had his son baptized. He and his wife had wanted to ask me to be his son's Godfather. There was just one problem. I'm not Catholic. I'm not even Christian. Zelda was asked to be Godmother and another one of my really good friends was asked to be godfather. As it turned out in the catholic rules, a couple only had to have one member that was catholic. So, I was considered the honorary Godfather since the whole thing was done with already. Zelda and I had a conversation about it last night.

Z: "You know they really wanted you to be the official godfather, right?"

J: "Oh hon, I don't care about that. I honestly think they made the right decision in not choosing me."

Z: "Why do you think that?"

J: "Because it's a religious role and I agree that both godparents should be of the same religion just in case something happens to one or the other."

Z: "It really doesn't bother you, does it?"

J: "No. It's just a title. What's important to me is that I get to be a part of his life and watch him grow up. That's the most important thing."

Zelda snuggles up to me and I put my arm around her and lightly scratch her shoulder. We're both smiling.

Z: "I do dearly love you. You're such a good person. I'd do anything for you."

I scratched her shoulder even more lightly, leaned over, kissed her and said this:

J: "Does that mean you'll swallow now?"

Z: "..... Get your hands off me."

J: "hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha."

Merry New Year

2007-01-01T13:17:00.000-06:00

I'm just waiting for the politically correct pieces of shit to start saying that "Happy New Years" is insulting to the Chinese since they go by a different calender and that we need to start saying "Merry Complete Earth Revolution around the sun" or something like that.

Anyways, we went out last evening. It seems that there is always something involving sex whenever people hang out with us. We went to a bar until just after midnight. Then, we went to a tittie bar. Afterwards, we went to our friends' apartment and put some porn on.

While we were at the first bar, we started talking about fireworks. It's a shame they don't allow fireworks where we live. I used to live in a small town just outside of Houston. Fireworks were allowed where I grew up. I really miss going out to those little stands, picking out exactly what I wanted, anticipating nightfall, and setting them off. We had the entire assortments of firecrackers, sparklers, bottle rockets, and roman candles. Then, there were the others like the whistlers, saturn missiles, rockets that sent a little parachute back, tanks that actually shot down the road and would fire little sparks, and mortars. Come to think of it, I haven't really seen those lately. Anybody else remember some the older fireworks that you just don't see anymore?

A Nightmare

2006-12-18T22:04:00.001-06:00

Zelda and I blogged a long time ago about some of the things I used to do in my sleep. That was followed by a post of some of my more violent dreams. Last night, I had a pretty freaky dream. It was extremely detailed and I woke up completely disturbed.

Zelda was so cute. She woke me up. Apparently, I was breathing heavily.

The dream started with me moving into a home. When things started flying around and being hurled at me from off the walls, I decided that Zelda and I were getting the fuck out. We got into the car that was in the garage. Suddenly, the garage door closed by itself trapping us in the garage. I put the gear in reverse and slammed on the accelerator. The car hit the garage door but we didn't make it out completely. I put the car into drive and pulled forward just a bit before slamming the car in reverse again. This time, we broke through.

We returned to the home with some help. Why? Probably because I've seen too many horror movies as a kid and my mind just went that way. As I went back into the house, I heard a faint voice getting louder and louder to the point where it was screaming, "I am the thunder. I am the thunder! I will destroy you!"

Then, I saw a silhouette in the window. For some reason, I charged the window and opened the blinds to see who it was. Why? Because I've seen too many horror movies when I was a kid and my mind just went that way. What did I see?

I saw myself with a death grin staring right back at me. Why? Because I've seen too many horror movies as a kid and my mind just went that way.

That's when Zelda woke me up. Knowing that I have violently reacted to dreams before, Zelda very wisely got out of bed, grabbed a hanger, and poked me.

I had trouble going back to sleep. I kept wondering what that dream meant. Was a demon trying to suck out my soul? And, why was I awake contemplating this? Maybe because I've seen too many horror movies as a kid and my mind just went that way.

I was finally able to get back to sleep. My next dream involved sex with Jenna Jameson. Why? Because I'm a guy and I've seen too much porn and my mind just went that way.

There's a fly in my soup

2006-12-04T21:38:00.000-06:00

I took the family out for dinner the other night and we had a little visitor come by to peek at what we were eating. The girls screamed, "Cockroach!"

I stood up, grabbed a napkin, and squashed the little fucker.

I don't really care about it. I mean, it's not a bad restaurant. I understand that it's going to happen every once in a blue moon. Hell, I've seen critters at some of the nicest, most expensive restaurants. It's just a fact that you have to get used to when you live in a warmer climate.

I used to be a little squeamish about things like that when I was a kid. All that changed when I went back to Vietnam. Having been in a third world country, you get used to sites like that.

I started off with thinking things like, "I can't eat that, there's something with six legs in there." By the time I left, it was more like: slurp, chew, swallow, scoop out the bug, and slurp again.

What? They add flavor.

A conversation

2006-11-21T23:54:00.000-06:00

Me: "I've been working too much. I had a dream last night that I was treating a patient. Then, she just grabbed me."

Zelda: "Did she grab you in the bad place?"

Me: "...... Define 'bad'".

Austin Birthday Bash

2006-11-16T17:30:00.000-06:00

Oh my God! What a fucking weekend! I had the time of my life. I must recommend to all of you that if you don't live in Texas, you need to at least come and visit us.

Zelda had apparently been planning a weekend trip to Austin for quite some time to celebrate my birthday. She was attempting to make it a surprise but the excitement was too much for her to hold in. That, plus I was the one who needed to drive. The last time we went to Austin, we were evacuating for Hurricane Rita.

What is there to say about this past weekend? If you ever make it to Austin, you MUST meet both Trashman & his wife Jen as well as Jack. tCj and Big Ed were also there. If you ever make it to Dallas, you've got to hang out with them. Then, go eat at the Broken Spoke. Make sure you either order a BBQ plate or the chicken fried steak. Oh, and don't forget a shit load of beer.

It was just like the last time we escaped to Austin. We laughed all night long. We talked for hours. Only this time, we ate scorpion and/or cricket lollipops. Jack brought them which I think is a sign of his subconscious "frustrations". I think I'm getting old because for some reason, I thought a tent revival may have been in the workings. Then again, I've heard what they do to birthday boys. I don't know if it's true but since Jack was with us, I was scared that he would break out his gimp mask and anal paraphrenalia.

Seriously though. Thanks Jack for the Goose and for taking the time to hang out with us, drink beer, and make passes at my wife.

Thanks Trash and Jen for the stipper card, wine, fuckingmachines.com, and endless hours of politically incorrect entertainment. You've got to post the plane story.

Thanks tCj and Big Ed for driving all the way from Dallas and for the after party porn fest. Sorry I passed out. Come to think about it, why was my ass so sore?

Lastly, thank you to my lovely Zelda. One minute in the hot tub with you was worth the 3 hour drive. That, plus tearing off your clothes.

Still Around

2006-10-28T12:54:00.000-05:00

Hello everyone. I've finally got some time to do a little posting. I've been working incredibly long hours lately. I've been having some weekend appointments too. After they're done, I've been tearing down all the rotting wood to the house and replacing it with Hardi Plank. I only have my neighbor to help me. When we're done with my house, we're going to work in his house. Needless to say, I have had no time to myself.

Last night, my buddy called me up to play in a dart tournament. I haven't thrown in years. I decided that I really needed a night out just to chill out, drink some beer, and throw some darts. Zelda was such a sweetheart. She told me that I really needed a night out after the last couple of weeks. So, she told me to go.

The last time we went to a tournament, my buddy took first place and I took second. Last night, you can tell we haven't played in awhile. We both won our first match. But, we got eliminated by a couple of professional players. It was still fun though.

It reminded me of when we used to play back in college. My old roommate got me started playing the game. Then, we got our own electronic dart board because we would get so slobbering drunk that it was difficult to add or subtract, especially when you're seeing double. The weird part was that when I would play against other teams, I would get to the bar early and start drinking because the more drunk I got, the better I threw. I remember times where I would have to prop myself up against the wall and would Hat Trick (3 bulleyes). Yeah, I usually had to be driven home on competition nights.

You know what? Maybe that's why I lost last night. I didn't drink enough. It had nothing to do with the fact that they were professionals. Yeah, riiiight.

Boo!

2006-10-07T11:01:00.000-05:00

Scared you didn't I? I'll bet you weren't expecting another new post from me. Well, not only am I working like a hamster in a wheel trying to power the entire city of Houston, I'm now trying to replace all the wood in my house. I was going to try and find someone to do it for me, but everyone I've asked wanted $5000 or more. My neighbor said that he needed to do the same thing to his house and that he knows how to do it. So if I help him with his house, then he'll help me with mine. It'll probably cost us about $1000 in materials and a shit load of hours of work.

Onto some funny stuff. At work, I usually go through the schedule at the beginning of the day to get an idea of which patient was coming in at what time in order for me to plan out different treatment plans. The last patient of the day was a name I didn't recognize. He also wasn't listed as a new patient. Not only that, but the other doctor only wanted me to work on him. So, I asked the other doctor who this patient was and what he needed. An evil grin shot across her face as she started to chuckle. She turned to our massage therapist and told her that this particular patient was coming in. The massage therapist, Rebecca, rolled her eyes and also started to chuckle. (Side note: yeah, we have a massage therapist in our office because most of our patients are athletes who benefit greatly from it.)

As it turns out, this patient regularly gets massages whenever he comes in. When Rebecca does her job, she tells people to get undressed and get under the first sheet. This guy apparently likes to lie on top of the sheet completely commando. Rebecca told me that whenever she works on his hamstrings or gluteii, he gets an erection.

"So, you guys decided to give him to me......okay. This is going to be......interesting."

Everyone in the office started laughing. Dr. N told me that she worked on him once and made him gown up. He stripped but naked right in front of her before she got a chance to open the door and leave the room. He wasn't wearing any underwear. So for these reasons, I was to work on him.

His appointment time came and went. He didn't show up. Apparently, he was told before hand that a male doctor was going to work on him. Looks like this guy has been paying doctor's fees just to get a thrill. See ladies, it helps to have a guy around in an all female office.

10 Things I Will Never Say

2006-09-23T08:36:00.000-05:00

Tagged By Trashman

1. I just wanna dance!

2. Excuse me. Can I please get a reach around?

3. This white wine spritzer is waaaay too strong.

4. Sure hon. Go ahead and get a breast reduction.

5. Quick change the channel! Oprah's on!

6. That was a well thought out liberal argument.

7. I'm here! I'm queer! So blow me and get used to it.

8. I don't feel like fishing. Let's go shopping!

9. Would you please stick this up my ass?

10. I should have become a gynecologist.

Muslim Double Standard

2006-09-18T23:12:00.000-05:00

I'm a little confused here. There was a huge outcry from the Muslim community about the cartoon pictures of the prophet Mohammed. Now, there's the huge outcry about the Pope's comments.

Where was the huge outcry when the 2,000 year old Buddhist statues were blown up?

An anniversary

2006-09-09T19:16:00.000-05:00

I've been running out of things to write about. Then, I realized that this is the weekend of the worst terror attack on American soil in history. I was at Blockbuster looking for a movie for the girls to watch when I stumbled on United 93. Zelda refuses to watch it. She said it's too emotional for her. It's the same reason she refuses to watch Passion of the Christ. Hey, that's her decision.

What a gut wrenching movie. I kept screaming at the screen, "Push forward!!!" and "Beat the shit out of that fucker!"

For my part, here's a tribute that I found to honor those who lost their lives that day.

Damn That Boy Can Play and Play and Play

2006-08-27T00:35:00.000-05:00

As a parent, let me just tell all of you who don't have kids that gifts that make irritating noises are not appreciated by parents.

Anyways when I was very young (about 3 years old), my uncle got me a muppets drum set. I played that thing every morning. I would drink a lot of water the night before just so I could wake up early on Saturday mornings and play it. I would remember my dad losing it a few times and would scream at me to stop playing. Saturdays were his days off and he could sleep in. I remember playing so hard one time that I punched a hole right through one of the drums. No biggie, I still had the bass, the cymbals, etc.

My dad saw a way out when he saw that I punched through one of the drums. I woke up one morning and saw that my drum set was placed outside to be thrown out with the trash. I thought that someone had made a mistake and proceeded to pull it back inside. I can only imagine my dad's bloodshot eyes opening as I started to play it again.

Get Yourself Checked

2006-08-10T22:29:00.000-05:00

I've had one hell of a week. As y'all have seen, it's been really busy at the office lately. I only have time to post on this blog at the end of the week. If you've read Zelda's last post, you'll know that I've had my very first referral. As it turned out, that referral has Metastatic Disease. Simply put, he has cancer that has moved out from its source.

This referral went to his general practioner who took x-rays and wanted to send him to a surgeon to have his lumbar spine repaired due to what appeared to be a slippage of the vertebrae. As I performed another exam on him, I noticed that something wasn't quite right. I told him that I wanted to take additional x-rays. It was a DAMN good thing too. I wanted to focus just a little lower on his lower spine. That's when I saw something that stopped my heart for a brief second. Something that shouldn't show up on normal x-rays.

His previous doctor missed it because the x-rays taken were just a tiny bit too high. I saw the slippage. But, I saw the possible reason why there was a slippage. The cancer had "eaten" away the posterior aspects of the vertebrae which caused the slippage.

Gentlemen, dudes, assholes, or whatever you want to call yourselves (yes, I call some of my closest friends "assholes") please get yourself checked out every year. Ladies, please encourage your loved ones to get checked out every year. I cannot stress this enough. Telling this to one patient was hard enough. Some chiros never see this in all their years of practice. In just 4 months of my early career, I've seen 3.

Did y'all catch me on TV?

2006-08-03T20:05:00.000-05:00

Okay, not really. I don't normally like to watch talent competitions but Zelda was watching America's Got Talent and this act came on. They surprised the hell out of me.

At Last

Here's another sample

I'm not a big boy band fan like Jack, but I can appreciate talent.

Little Lefty Stalker

2006-07-30T14:12:00.001-05:00

Well folks, we have it confirmed. We apparently have a little leftist stalker out in the blog world. If you've read the comments from the previous post, you'll find that I got an anonymous poster. I cross linked a few things and got confirmation that it's this little guy who calls himself Paul.

Actually, he goes by several different identities as I've found out. Apparently, "Alfred Sietz" is an identity. So is "Jeferson". He also goes by "." and "anonymous".

Back when I used to blog more frequently, I got into a verbal confrontation with this stalker over at Blonde Sagacity. It was great because he was suggesting that Zelda was a racist. Once I got into it with him, I got him to admit that he himself is a racist.

Now, I'm just too busy to get involved with another throw down with someone who needs to be admitted into the psych ward. So, Zelda tells me about all the fun she has hammering this guy. I've read a few of her entries and laughed my ass off.

Paul, your attempt to mask yourself in anonymity is pathetic. Extremely pathetic.

Do I Stand Out?

2006-07-15T11:11:00.000-05:00

I was at the community basketball court the other day and I noticed that there were a lot more Asian kids playing basketball than there used to be when I was growing up. I'm guessing Yao Ming has had quite an influence on the Asian community down here in Houston.

About 15 years ago, I played basketball for my high school. I was the only Asian in the entire district. Who knows, maybe the entire state.

One day, Coach told us to line up shoulder to shoulder.

"If you're white or hispanic, step forward."

Then, he started counting. A few of the other guys were wondering what the hell was going on. I told them that it looked like they were just taking a census and just to relax.

"If you're black, step forward."

Again, Coach started counting. Then, I realized. Holy shit, I'm the only one left. I wondered what category of race he was going to call out for me. Coach looked right at me and spoke.

"Jethro! (Everyone, including me, starts laughing) What are you?"

"Vietnamese."

One of my buddies stepped forward and said, "That's alright, man. You're not alone. I'm making you an honorary brotha."

Ahhhhh.....good times.

Back to Our Regularly Scheduled Program

2006-07-01T12:59:00.000-05:00

Okay, I think as Buddhists I'm supposed to do some sort of a 100 days of mourning. But, enough of that. This is my outlet for fun so on with my life.

First, let me apologize for not being around. Life is extremely hectic in the office right now. I'm trying to get onto various insurance plans, trying to build up a clientele, and even working some weekends. It's taking up all of my blogging time. Anyways, on with life....

When I first met Zelda, I wanted to see if I could have a little fun with her. We went out to eat at a restaurant with a group of friends. I pretended that I had never eaten at a non-Asian restaurant before. When they set out the forks, spoons, and knives, I said, "I have such trouble using these. Do they offer chopsticks?"

Zelda looked astonished. She started making fun of me. But, I kept a straight face as I picked up the fork and started swinging it like a pendulum. I then grasped it awkwardly between my fingers, scooped up some food, and let it fall back onto the plate. Zelda felt bad.

Then, I made fun of her for actually believing me.

Grandma to the very end.

2006-06-22T22:57:00.000-05:00

Noonie gave me a great idea for a post. One of the great Grandma stories to remember her by. Sorry it took so long to post it. It's been insanely busy here.

I had no idea that my grandmother ever drank any kind of alcohol. It is now widely known that she loves red wine. When she was living at my parents' house and Zelda was helping to keep an eye on her, she would occasionally ask for a sip of red wine.

One night, a few of us got together and were opening bottles of red wine. My grandmother came over and sat with us. Without her asking, we poured her a small amount. She lifted up her glass and said, "Yo!" (I'm probably mispelling it, but it's loosely translated to "down the hatch" in Vietnamese.) Everyone, including my grandmother, started laughing. So, we did the only natural thing we could. We poured some more. By this time, we were all shouting, "Yo! Yo! Yo!" Grandma picked up the glass and took a sip. We all started cheering. Grandma was smiling from ear to ear and laughing.

When Grandma reached the end, she wouldn't eat or drink. She wasn't lucid. We didn't want her to suffer from thirst so we had to put water on a spoon and give it to her that way. She indicated to us that she didn't want it by shaking her head. So what did we do? We told her it was red wine and all shouted "Yo!" Grandma opened her mouth and drank the spoonful of water.

Hardcore, Grandma! Fucking hardcore to the end.

Civil War

2006-06-09T11:34:00.000-05:00

The last few months have resulted in a scaled down version of the civil war in my family regarding Grandma's condition. When my grandmother was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, the family was deciding on what to do for her. Several members of the family said to send her to a retirement home where she could get round the clock professional help.

My father, being the "Godfather" of the family told the rest of the family that we would take Grandma so that she could be surrounded by family when she passes.

Now, comes the bullshit.

There are a few people in the family who oppose what we were doing. They did not want to give Grandma pain killers. They were in denial as to her condition. They didn't think she was very sick. My question to them was and still remains, "Then, what the hell is on the Ultrasound and CT scan growing from the pancreatic head blocking the common bile duct resulting in a jaundiced state? The "other side" wanted to try Chinese herbals for her health. I find it extremely funny because that happens to be my area of study. Currently, NOTHING would've helped her. Once the diagnosis of Pancreatic CA is made, the average time of death is 6 to 9 months. Mortality is 100%

Knowing this, I wanted to encourage the family to make Grandma's passing as easy as possible. Now, we all know that Zelda has quit her job to get her real estate license and to help care for Grandma at the same time. One of my aunts (who oppose what we are doing) was trying to eliminate the use of morphine entirely on my Grandma. She blatantly lied to the other relatives stating that my mother ok'd that she remove the morphine patch. We all know this is bullshit because Zelda was right there when she tried to remove the morphine patch and told her not to do it.

This was going on for awhile until I spoke to her. She told me that she thought the morphine dosage was too high and that we should decrease her dosage. I had already measured my Grandma's vital signs just before she suggested it. It was actually decent, even for someone on morphine. I told her then that morphine drops blood pressure, and what did she think would happen to her normal blood pressure if we decreased the dosage. It was simple, the decrease in the dosage (50 micrograms) would've caused pain. This, in turn, would increase the blood pressure. I then asked her what did she think would happen to her heart after that happened.

Anyways, that was just the small part of the civil war. My psycho aunt (Aunt #8)called up her youngest sister (Aunt #12), who traveled all the way from California on several occasions and accused her of trying to "Put Grandma to sleep."

Needless to say, this is a situation that the younger generation had to deal with in the past and next few days, all during my Grandma's funeral. At least the younger generation are united in what needs to be done. We know it's about my Grandmother and no one else's opinion. We all seem to think the "other side" is jealous because grandma chose to live out her final days with us instead of the others. We at least gave her everything she wanted in her final days.

Be At Peace, Grandma

2006-05-31T23:50:00.000-05:00

Grandma has passed.

My sister said that it happened about 8:50pm.

We have been expecting this for the past several months. What I didn't expect, which really hit me like a ton of bricks, was to declare it. It was unofficial because I'm a direct relative, but I still had to break out my stethoscope and confirm it. I think that was the hardest part.

You will be missed, Grandma. Tell Grandpa and the others that we all said "hi".

A much needed Vacation

2006-05-30T01:11:00.000-05:00

We just got back from a vacation at South Padre Island. We took the new car out and got a nice hotel room right on the beach. The ulcers that I've previously had from high school have flared up again from all the stress. Needless to say, sitting on the beach and drooling while my brain recharges did a lot of good for me.

I'm really tired from the drive so I'll post a few pictures soon with some more details. Good night, all. By the way, gas down there is about $2.59 for regular unleaded. hmmmmm.

Daddy's new ride

2006-05-21T12:35:00.000-05:00

We've been needing a family car for so long. We finally did it. I present the family's 2006 Honda Pilot EX-L.

Zelda and I are extremely pleased with our choice. We got it for a great price. Want to know how? We took it for a test drive, found an empty parking lot, and "christened" it. We told the dealer what we did so that they had no choice but to meet our price. Just kidding.

Learn to Speak English Or Else Part III

2006-05-16T22:35:00.000-05:00

For those of you who don't know, my mom owns a nail salon. She speaks very broken English, but she does understand it. Some of her employees haven't quite grasped the full meaning of the language but they're getting close. That's what makes for a decent laugh sometimes.

My mom had some customers come in to have their nails done. In order to minimize their wait time, the customers were split up among everyone in the salon. One of the customers explained to one of my mom's employees, we'll call her Jean, that she was getting her nails done for her father's service because he had just passed away.

Jean said, "Oh really? Congratulations!"

Obviously, the customer was furious. She called out to my mom, "Gwen! Did you hear what this person said to me?! She CONGRATULATED me on my father passing away!"

Calmly my mom asked Jean in Vietnamese what happened. Jean said that the customer told her that her father completed something. She's not quite sure what. Realizing the mistake, my mom quickly explained to Jean that the customer's father had died. Jean cupped her hands over her mouth in humiliation. Then, my mom turned to her long time customer.

"I'm sorry about that. When you say he 'pass away', they think you mean he pass a test or something like that. You have to say that he died. They don't understand 'passed away'."

For at least a short period of time, Jean unintentionally got someone who was in mourning to completely laugh her ass off.

She's a man eater

2006-05-12T22:12:00.000-05:00

I've noticed something very peculiar about working with female doctors. They seem to attract some of the weirdest female patients. I was working today going between the exam/treatment rooms and trying to take care of as many patients as I could so that no one has to wait for a long time. I walked into this one room and this woman just shot me this look of complete disgust. I noticed it, but decided to be cordial anyways because I am a professional now and I (teeth grinding) fucking have to. It's not that bad, actually. I like helping and educating people. Besides, 99% of the people I meet are more than happy to have a free second opinion.

What I dislike are ....man hating lesbians. Regular lesbians, I don't mind.
They're regular folks just like me. They give others a chance before they judge them, just like me. They like to eat pussy, just like me. Man hating lesbians are as bad as racists.

Anyway, I walked into the room and introduced myself. I went over her records and read the subjective part of her complaint. Now, when one of the assistants takes a subjective, I like to repeat it so that I can verify with the patient what was written in order to assure the utmost accuracy about the patient's complaint. I repeated the basics of her complaint and asked if that was right. She paused before barking a "yes." Obviously, my HELP was not appreciated. Just then, I heard the other doctor mention that she was going to check to see if the room that contained the traction unit was available. We happened to be in that room. So, I opened the door and the other doctor was standing there. I flashed her the, "Get me the hell out of here" look. She saw it and asked if I could hook up the other patient to the traction machine while she dealt with the bitch I was TRYING TO HELP.

Now, I understand that people will have preferences. Some people will only go to one hair stylist because they know that that one hair stylist knows what they want. All you have to do is ask for that person. If another hair stylist comes up to you and calls you up, you would at least have the courtesy to POLITELY ask the hair stylist for the one you prefer, right? No harm done. I understand that.

Afterwards, the other doctor and I were talking about that patient. I told her about how I used to work with other female doctors and I learned how to avoid man hating lesbians. Again, regular lesbians were no problem. I get along with regular lesbians. Hell, I used to have a crush on a girl who turned out to be a lesbian. Still do. Just kidding. But, that's another story.

I just don't get the whole man hating lesbian bit. It's just the same as the whole white man is the devil bit (granted some are) or the whole blacks are lazy criminals bit (granted some are). I didn't do anything to this bitch. Why automatically give me an attitude? I mean, we have another lesbian patient who POLITELY asked me for the female doctor because she felt more comfortable with another female. NO PROBLEM! I can completely understand that. So to man hating lesbians everywhere, chill out and go eat a pie (and I'm not talking apple or blueberry...I'm talking cherry.) There, I'm done ranting.

Blogmeet 2006

2006-05-09T22:08:00.000-05:00

This past weekend was one of the most fun filled weekends I've had in a long time. First off, Friday was Zelda's birthday. We did a little bar hopping with Jen and her husband. It was just as if we were back in college. Except that we now have a little more money to booze it up.

Saturday was blogmeet 2006. I'll let the pictures do the talking.

First, there's Inanna and Brighton

Next, we have Jeanette and Kristin

As you can tell from Zelda's expression, we had a great time.

You can't come to Texas and not have a Showdown.

Okay, here's a link to Jeanette's pictures of the weekend. Look at this picture first then click here. As you can see in the link, tinyhands and I were "analyzing" where Inanna's hands were heading.

Somehow, we got into a conversation about that movie "The Breakfast Club". We wanted to see if Brighton could try to put on lipstick while being held into place with her....assets.

She's going for it!

Inanna is so drunk here, yet she still takes great pictures.

For some strange reason, I thought I had pictures of Jen and her husband Vince as well as Sam and his lovely wife Stephanie. My apologies to y'all. However, since they all live in Houston, we'll get pictures of them in the near future.

Overall, it was an incredible weekend.

Holy Prick!

2006-04-30T19:10:00.000-05:00

Zelda and I are trying to clean up our house. We've got clothes lying all over the place because we're getting rid of clothes that neither of us ever wear. I walked into Gwendolyn's room to see opened and empty packages of acupuncture needles. Not only that, there were empty tubes lying all over the floor. The needles themselves were nowhere to be found. I started to panic. I was worried that the girls would stick themselves just by walking on the carpet. I called out:

"WHERE ARE MY ACUPUNCTURE NEEDLES!!!!!!!"

Since it was Gwendolyn's room, I called her into the room.

"GWENDOLYN! DID YOU DO THIS?!"

She only nodded.

"WHERE ARE THE NEEDLES?! SOMEONE CAN GET REALLY HURT!!!"

Her eyes teared up as she pointed to her doll and said, "My dollee was sick."

She had turned her little doll into a pin cusion. The doll was lying face down on a table with pins sticking out of her head, neck, back, hands, and feet. I was so impressed. She actually got some of the points right. And, she didn't even stick herself at all when she put them in her doll.

Thanks Everyone

2006-04-09T22:08:00.000-05:00

Let me just first thank everyone for all of your well wishes for my new employment. I'm absolutely loving my new job. I know I haven't been able to keep up with this blog, but there is so much that I have to do that ALL of my time is devoted to promoting myself and this clinic. I'm doing my best to try to make this clinic run as efficiently as possible. However, I do have to take a break every once in awhile, especially after my first official week at this clinic. It was quite busy all week long.

Zelda and I took the kids to Brighton's restaurant to have crawfish. Did I ever mention that I LOVE eating crawfish? My personal record still stands at 60 pounds of crawfish in one sitting. Needless to say, I think I managed to gross out Brighton and her friends with my crawfish addiction.

Anyways, I have to review my contract, come up with ideas to make the office run even more efficiently with me in it, read through the employee handbook and make corrections or additions to it, and fill out a questionnaire to help my new boss out.

I just wanted to drop in and tell y'all that I'm extremely busy, but I am still alive. I will post more soon....whenever that will be.

One last thing. Our email address is jethrozelda@yahoo.com. Dr. Lee wanted to know so that he can contact me.

Chirotechnics

Patience always pays off.

I've always wanted to join the Air Force

Favorite Holiday

Senator Scott Brown

Sorry for my absence

Turn It Up!

My Big Fat Viet Funeral

We're back!

2 years ago today

I LIVE!

Vegas Day 3 and 4

An anniversary in Vegas: Day 2

An Anniversary in Vegas: Day 1

The Crying Game

Vegas, here we cum!

Superbowl Post

More consistent posting...just for the TRASHMAN!

how HIGH is your pain level?

Posting Absence

Happy Halloween

RAID!!!

Sir, will you breathe into this please?

Sgt. Charles Kitowski III

Wow. I have really neglected this blog

Updates

To Spew or not to Spew

Happy Birthday, Sweetheart

God, this cracked me up

Happy Ending

I'm a doctor, not a lover...except to my wife. Then, I'm both.

Doing my part to keep the first amendment alive

Sex Questions II

Sex Questions

Happy 9th Anniversary

Updates

A strange and funny dream

What's that noise?

A political Post

Can I Have Fries With That Grenade Launcher?

For my Venison Lovers

I Demand Affirmative Action!

The greatest password on Earth

The skunk and the Smoke Alarm

"I Love You"

The most awesome quote I've heard in awhile

Ramen! Amen!

Nooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!

God Speed, my friend

Update and Pictures

The Trailer Park

Talk about a loaded weekend

Accident

As promised

It Burns!

Fu Man Chu

Bring It On!

For you, Corin

Taps

R.I.P. Soldier

Bullshitting around the office

Resignation

Um, Excuse me?

I rise again!

Hello

Good Bye, Grandpa. You'll be missed.

A new picture

Still here

You don't have to eat head

We're back!

To OZ!

To Be or Not To Be?

Fuck this new Blogger

Bo Gia (Vietnamese for "The Godfather")

Merry New Year

A Nightmare

There's a fly in my soup

A conversation

Austin Birthday Bash

Still Around